mysteriousboy

New Journal!

2012-02-15T11:59:00.005+08:00

Am finally done with one spiritual journal book. After all the inconsistencies and breaks and laziness, the 2nd book finally started. At the same time, it's the mark of the first morning walk and devotion (well, trying)

Though today didn't go very well, I still thank God for helping me to make the effort to make the first baby step. I may fail to listen to God, or do what I needed to, it eventually will.

Thank You oh Lord for the messaging which helped to facilitate a little more thinking.

Now I have more questions. There's only one thing I can say. Challenge accepted. Now I need to find the answers.

Coming across this picture on facebook, I believe it applies to many of us.

We were close to God. When distractions come, we put God on hold, and started drifting further and further into emptiness and whatever you may feel - down, angered, hurt, etc.

BUT, Know this: GOD is always there, waiting for you to run back into His open arms.

To welcome you with the LOVE you ran away from.

Thank You LORD for consistently waiting for us there, all for love.

2012-01-30T22:53:00.002+08:00

All I want is to seek you.

Right now, I want nothing else.

Well, to be honest, other than the grades and the future. Better relationships with people.

Even which are all a piece of mystery. A painting not painted.

A fog which we can't see. The uncertainties and the unknown.

Help me to leave them into your hands.
Help me to commit them to you.

I know I'm grasping onto them rather tightly now, though I say I want to get to you.

Help me overcome these obstacles and reach you.

This Year's Ultimate aim will be YOU.

Other than time to relax after years of work and being tired of working and serving people,

Other than time to pick up skills and work to have savings,

provide me the opportunity to rest and commit them to you, so that I can serve you better.

So that I can hone my talents and abilities. Those that you've given, and use them.

So that I can serve you with a more willing, passionate heart.

Let no other be obstacles to reaching you.

Everything Happens for a reason.

2012-01-30T22:41:00.002+08:00

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Anything can happen. Even when you least expect it, or when you say you won't. Don't speak too soon.

I dislike being scolded. We all do. We all dislike being called names and being insulted. We all dislike being down and discouraged.

In this case, I'm in the wrong. So I've got no rights to complain or anything.

On the positive note, in these circumstances, what can you learn? About yourself, about others or about situations. How can you manage it better? How can you improve?

We learn things either the easy way or the hard way. The hard always sticks to your mind.. Most of the time.

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Lord, this struggle internally, isn't just an accident. the fight is tough. But I know you've placed this here to groom me. It definitely isn't easy.

Spiritually. Mentally. Physically.

Business. Distraction. Excuses.

Grant me strength. Strength to overcome. For nothing is impossible with YOU around.

LORD, Let YOUR will be done and not mine.

Ignite in me the fire that have gone cold.

Help me do what I need to do.

But firstly, Change my heart oh God.

Tetris

2011-11-29T09:36:00.005+08:00

The game of tetris.

Somehow can be another analogy of life.

With the purpose of clearing lines to score,

it's akin to having goals, objectives, missions and purpose.

What's yours?

Playing the wrong piece causes things to change.

Make a wrong decision and there will be holes that you'll need to cover and remove.

Some might stay and some might not, depending on how you play it.

What are those holes in your life?

and What's your next move?

And when challenges start to come in.

Competition.

How will your mental state change?

How will you react when things go wrong.

To panic or not.

Perspective will change.

Attitude likewise.

How will yours be?

We never know what the upcoming pieces will be like.

Random, unexpected.

Pieces you wish for, pieces you don't wish for.

Uncertainty.

How will you try to fit them in and deal with it?

Lord, Thanks for the lessons in life. Thanks for what has been going on. Events that happened. Things that changed.

Well Lord, Though I do now know what you have installed for me, what my next tetris piece and where I will place it, surely I know that you have a plan, and surely you know where that next piece is going to be placed. Whether it's going to be nicely in place or not.

Thank You for always showing me the lessons learnt. No matter how big or small the event is.

I'm in awe of how You work in our lives. In our communities.

In many areas. Thank You Lord.

2011-11-29T09:34:00.003+08:00

Finally back here again.

Sometimes laziness just draws you away from writing (or typing).

But I guess, if it's worth recording, why not start it up again.

And that's my purpose for being back.

Reflections

2011-05-08T21:51:00.003+08:00

Reflections are important for making changes to oneself in life. To reflect on what you have been doing or how you have been, then make the change. But just reflecting without making any applications is rather useless. I'm currently still in that state though, not making any applications though I have no idea why but I have been thinking and reflecting alot recently.

Going by chronological order, on 17th March, after watching "World Invasion: Battle of Los Angeles", I was discussing with mike about the issue of Aliens - during chalet, we watched "The Fourth Kind", and of course relating the 2 movies together. We were wondering if "The Forth Kind" was a real footage, does it mean that people in the past have seen it before? Else, how do people in the past know how do aliens look like? and also, if you notice, people have always pictured and visualized aliens as a certain shape, and most of the time, they have looked the same. I mean besides those in cartoons where all other weird shapes have appeared. But if I'm not wrong, they're usually pictured as having big round head, skinny neck and all. And some ancient drawings do have drawings of aliens too. But do they really exist? I have no idea. Some articles state that there as sightings of aliens or their marks around. But I really wonder and would like to know. What is the truth?

But one thing I was really amazed at was the encounter with an indian lady wearing white. Apparently she was a catholic who went through a period of meditation, and felt the need to write down a certain phrase, and spread the word. "Truth Is Victory. God Governs Everything. Man Governs Nothing."

Teaching Mike to learn indian and such, she seemed like an angel who stopped us in our paths. I'm glad I had that experience.

Going for SU commissioning sure what fun and enjoyable together with people from ADC and Sports club, but it was also a good reflection for me. Looking at them, I do regret not going into SU since I came from the Student Council in secondary school, and being a part of SU may help me in learning and growing in my skills, in leadership, which deteriorated through the years. And I would congratulate Huiting for going into SU and leading too. Taking my place. :X>

But then again, I thank God Somewhat I didn't or I'll definitely suffer more burn outs if I were to be involved with so many activities in poly. Though I regret taking certain activities up and going through it, nonetheless, they were worthy and valuable experiences. Skills can still be learnt and picked up again. I suppose. But really, SU.. hm..

And through some periods of time, I started realising more changes in me. Changes for the worse? I looked back and I wonder where have the gentlemanliness in me disappear to? Where have some of the good aspects of me disappeared to? The diligence. The punctuality. The good ol' boy. The kind courteous. I hope to get them back. soon. I'll BE!

Enough of all the sad stories and reflections. I need more rest. And I'm glad I did when I went to Batam for my distant relatives' wedding. Dad's cousin. More sleep on the ferry. In the hotel, and foot reflexology! I feel so healthy. But was ruined by unhealthy living. I'll resolve to healthy living once again! And I'll catch up with my lost sleep too!

LEt's Go!

Another Major Decision

2011-03-12T23:06:00.003+08:00

Before I start, I'd like to Thank God for the wonderful encounters with him the past 2 times I go for cell. The first time gave me the peace and rest I needed cos it was the examination period. The second, which was today, gave me the answer which I needed and have been seeking for more than a month. And His presence was just awesome.

Remember the other most recent tough decision which I had to make? - Whether or not to go and train under James Wong for discus.

I've seeked opinions. Many "give it a try" and "nos". But I've yet to find a definite answer and a sign from God. Until today.

My standing decision now is: No I'm not going to.

Honestly, I'd like to go for it though. Even you would agree that it is a once in a lifetime experience to go and train under a professional thrower - 8 times Gold medalist for discus and hammer throw. Not many people who wants to be a thrower gets that chance to do so. Moreover, one of my goals for track is to aim to beat the record for discus and shotput for pol-ite next year. And I'd regret abit. From this afternoon, even up till now, the thought of how much more time it actually takes from me, considering this period of FYP, it only takes up an extra hour in the morning, and since I'm already training in the evening everyday and afternoon during lunchtime if I could.. I could also use that 1 hour in the morning for technique training.

What caused the thought of wanting to train under James Wong to falter was the worry of my spiritual life. Because by taking that training up, there will be less time for me during the weekdays, and nothing but a routined life - wake up, training, school, maybe training during lunchtime, continue with school, training in the evening, home, dinner, sleep. And cycle repeats from mon to fri. Also a warning given by Sam. A lost in social life, though not fully. And this will cause a change in schedule and most probably my spiritual growth.

As I continued to Look for opinions and praying, the Lord's answer to me started to flow in today. But on tues, instead of reading the article of march 6 of 'Our Daily Bread', I read the article on march 2 instead and it was on doing to the glory of God. At that time I was thinking, is that a sign for me to take up that training, and just do my best? I didnt really spend alot of time in prayer and in quiet time this week though. But I was still trying to look for an answer.

So yesterday or the day before, I went on the read March4 of 'Our Daily Bread' on "Anticipation". It didnt really strike me until this morning. I read today's article, and I didnt really see how I can apply it. So I flipped forward and reviewed on this topic - 'Anticipation'. We do not know the day of the Lord's coming. But are we anticipating His return? Are we excited to see Him coming back and being with Him forever? What if everything were to disappear? I would say I've not served the Lord enough. I would not dare to say that I've saved my friends. Now I'm feeling more worried. Additionally, there's this desire in me which wants to get closer to God. Then I was thinking, If I were to go and train, my morning will be gone and I wouldn't be able to spend time with the Lord throughout the week given that I'll be back home only after 9 feeling tired, and in the morning I gotta wake up at 6 to go school, leaving me no time for God. So why not use that Time for God instead?

The next thing I know this morning, the event in Japan striked me. Even this evening. These events will continue happening, and I know more will come. And Eudora reminded me once again in the evening, as she shared the discussion she had with her friends about the end of the world.

And firm answer the Lord gave to me was when worship was going on.

Come Holy Spirit

Come Holy Spirit fall on me now

I need your anointing Come in your power

I love you Holy Spirit You're Captivating my soul

And everyday I grow to love you more

I'm reaching for you heart

You hold my life in your hand

Drawing me closer to you

I feel your power renew

Nothing compares to this place

Where I can see you face to face

I worship you in spirit and in truth

From there, I felt the Lord really speaking to me. Really wanting to draw closer to God, and also reminding me of what I'm actually aiming for. To reach for His heart ultimately.

Nice Guy

2011-03-11T14:06:00.002+08:00

Being too much of a nice guy is really bad for one's own health. Most replies to this sentence is to be nice to the correct people. But yes, i'm being Really nice, both to the correct and wrong(sometimes), and also those I'm supposed to.

Now let me ask.
Is it too much to ask for something small(just a cup of drink) in return of All the favours I've done? Especially when I'm tired.
Is it too much to ask for just a cup after being so tired from training and having to entertain?
If not, why must I take so long to try and persuade and negotiate to get that thing done?
Is it that hard to get up and do something small for someone who has helped you much?
Why is there the need to say those words, and make excuses to find your way through and in the end don't mean it.

Now I really wonder what those words mean. Are they merely words of voids which don't mean anything?

I know I shouldn't be doing this or thinking of this at all. But it really questions me.
I know I shouldn't be putting up this test as it is not a real meaning of the word "LOVE".
And I know I should forgive. But it's currently still stuck in my head. And I wonder. What if you put yourself in my shoes. You being me, and I being you. This situation. How'd you feel?

Last class chalet before we split

2011-03-06T00:38:00.003+08:00

the sketching i did during the bbq at Hometeam NS PasirRis Chalet.

The last chalet which we will be having before our class split was kinda.. let off.

Reasons probably being that it may be a rather rushed planning. But somehow I still don't understand why though the dates of the chalet and bbq were already made clear, some people just won't give me a definite answer or even reserve that day.

Despite that being said, it was certainly fun with the people who went. From the night before, I managed to sleep 13.5 hours! from 1730 to 0700! I just love that feeling. But miscommunication regarding the chalet occurred due to that. but heck! that's nothing since it can be solved easily. And I honestly wonder why I went for the IAP briefing which we were e-mailed to go when it doesn't concern us now. and made me sleep in there for 1 hour and wasted my travel fee.

Anyway, less complains. Reaching the chalet was the start of fun. Risk, mac delivery and a short fellowship with some and Mr.Faizal, before dinner. Followed by a 4hour frisbee game which caused us all to have muscle aches and some bruises, especially tikmun. I've never enjoyed myself and perspired that much since I graduated from secondary school. I miss those times. And that made me enjoy the game very much, inspiring me for frisbee, which is abit too late. but towards the end, I was kinda.. dehydrated and not doing my best anymore. Mac delivery again, and fellowship before showering at 1 plus and sitting ducks till 3 plus.

Yesterday was kinda bad since things got screwed up. Card didnt tap properly when I got on the bus to meet Yijie at whitesands, card produced an error on the bus back -.-

error in the order and delivery of the bbq food, hence making urgent calls and rushing here and there.

people with no confirmation and changes, causing stress to my part of calculating the amounts to be paid. would have died there if I did not had help after calculating for 4 freakin times and people still keep changing their minds.

And I Thank God that the bus ride back was cheap, since the bus driver allow me to pay 55cents. idk why he said so, but thank God. and I think he was in a bad mood. I mean the bus driver.

Thanks DC for planning the games after bbq and causing us to get flour and dirty water on us.

and also for those who stayed and made me enjoy my time of fellowship. up till this morning. ;)

My sisters

2011-03-03T11:35:00.002+08:00

The thought and love towards my sisters came chilling through my heart and spine as I took out the present they've given to me this birthday- the only present I've had besides hong baos and treated meals, to pack into my bag for chalet.

Dawning on me this feeling of love once again, thinking about how much love there is even though we may quarrel and argue, or even disappoint.

Love you 2!

encounters with God the past month

2011-02-21T22:09:00.004+08:00

I had no regrets going down to church for Cell on saturday.

It was worth the whole while going down.

Honestly, the thought of not going have crossed my mine, but once again, I didn't regret.

Before we started cell, after starting prayers, I was really encouraged by the words of those who felt the Lord speaking to them to share with the people around, when Uncle Francis asked for any.

He start the ball rolling as he felt the Lord say: 'Draw near to me, and I will draw near to you."

This applied to me as I saw a vision of a zip on 30th Jan in church. This zip, when being fully zipped, causes a large flash. As I asked God further, and interpreted, there are 2 ways to look at it.

1. the Zip Track represents the Word of God and the Zip represents us.

- We alone without the tracks are useless, but when we make use of it, the Word of God, to bring ourselves close to God - Zipping it up - God will create a powerful bang! Something Amazing!

2. the Zip represents the war between the spiritual realm and each side of the track represents God and us, respectively.

- When the fight is won in the spiritual realm, there will be a bright flash!

And the following week, 6th Feb, I just felt that I need to draw near to God cos I'm really weak spiritually, and I want to something to happen. And then again, I was reminded of this zip. To get closer to GOD. I'm looking forward to that amazing happening.

Anyway, after He shared that, Uncle Francis went on, "The Lord also says:'Shalom peace I give to you'." Of course I don't remember everything that he said, but the key points. This peace that God has given, covers our anxieties, stress and fear through of toughest moments. Whenever we feel down and out, God is certainly there to bear our burdens, to walk this same road with us.

And he added this old-school song, which really helped to encourage as this is our exam period.

With Christ in the Vessel, We can smile at the storm

With Christ in the vessel, We can smile at the storm,

smile at the storm, smile at the storm.

With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm,

as we go sailing home~

Sailing, sailing home

With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm,

as we go sailing home~

This is the cutest I can find for this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivKWccxm8Bo&feature=related

This version is "With Jesus in the boat, we can smile Through the Storm:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpkQ-Bb78sU&feature=related

Indeed with Christ in us, If we trust in Him, that He has His plans for us, and that He will bring us through, we will be able to smile through the storm =D

And Donnie brought up story of Abraham, when Abraham asked the Lord:"What can you give me since I remain childless..."

and the Lord replied:"Look up at the sky and count the stars - if indeed you can count them." Then He said to him, "So shall your offspring be"

The story that reminds us of God's promises. How he cares for us and have planned things far ahead of what we can ever think of.

As we broke up into our smaller cells, and were asked to share of our week, (though I didn't share this) I was reminded of what the Lord said to me. "If you can feel weak and have this eagerness to train, why would you not feel the same with your relationship with me?"

That was on friday. I was telling myself alot, that I've not trained the past 2 days, and I'm feeling really weak. That's when the Lord asked me that question.

If we can feel weak physically so quickly, sure we can feel weak spiritually as quickly too. And if we can feel the wanting to train to get fitter again, are we able to feel the wanting to get stronger with our relationship with God? Our bodies are not eternal, but our souls are. To store up what is eternal, or what is not.

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Draw me close to You

Draw me close to You

never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire

No one else will do

Nothing else can take your place

To feel the warmth of your embrace

Help me find a way

Bring me back to You

You're all I want

You're all I ever needed

You're all I want

Help me know You are near

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1StrTHkhwrE

This song is also played yesterday in church.

But as I was singing halfway, I ask myself,

Do I mean what I sing when I sing the lyrics?

Or is it just plainly following the words?

Now are you?

WSS and pol-ite

2011-02-20T13:50:00.003+08:00

WSS = World Skills Singapore.

Everytime I mention WSS, People always ask. What's that?

World Skills Singapore, as it name mentions, it a competition based on skills traits such as Mobile Robotics, Industrial Electronics, Mechatronics, Caring, Network Administration, Cooking, Restaurant Service, Industrial Cabling, Graphic Design, CNC milling, CNC turning, mechCAD, etc.. Of which, some are team(of 2), and some are solo.

Originally being held internationally, World Skills Competition (WSC) have been held for years. and if I'm not wrong, Singapore had only participated for 10 years, with the next WSC being the 12th.

WSS is held every even year, and WSC the odd years. Hence, you can also say that WSS is the preliminaries, choosing the top team from each country for WSC. New traits like visual merchandising are slowly being added into this competition.

Not forgetting, this competition is only permitted to Singaporean or Singapore PRs under the age of 21. So there is a problem which has been faced through the years - enlistment. As some participants take part in WSS when they're year 3, the next year would be NS for them. And, the government will not allow them to defer.

And as for NYP, mechatronics is one trait which has been getting the gold medals in WSS for the past 10 years straight and fighting for a position in WSC. We've gotten, in position and non-chronological order, 1st, 3rd, 4th, 7th and 10th in the world. 1st was 4 years back if I'm not wrong.

While many foreign countries (like Canada, London, etc) take this competition so seriously as though it's like another Olympic for Skills, sadly to say, Singapore don't. But well, I'd like it if it was allowed to be and taken seriously. I mean, at least there will be more support rather than discouragements from classmates.

Putting those facts in mind, I've been training with the school since Year 1 with the mechatronics trait. A trait which isn't related to my course, but instead something new and extra which I am given the chance to learn and practise in school.

However, there's one limitation to this:Time. From the time I started to train, time is the factor which draws people away. Time from after school, time from study breaks, and even holidays, were all burnt, resulting in a very routined 2 years of my life in poly. Study, WSS training, Track training, and the cycle repeats. Honestly, I didnt study much for the first year, and it is truly by God's grace that I manage to do well in school (though it's dropping now). And even to some point, I stopped training in track for awhile with the excuse of needing to study. And that time was also wasted due to my mentality that I need to rest. Which I regretted of course. All the trainings in gym stopped, except maybe to abit of training for training's sake. Thus there goes my body size and looking as though I slimmed down. I was also given a chance to go OBS and a role of the captain of the track and field team (which I don't feel I deserve actually), and I'll take more about it later on. From those who quitted from the same trait as I am, was a classmate and a fellow coursemate, and from those who quitted in another trait(mobile Robotics) was another classmate. Thank God there was this other coursemate from mobile robotics, who stayed on, and will be my future classmate(another smart guy whom I'm honestly envious of). Constantly receiving discouragements from a fraction of my classmates, it feels really tempted to listen and quit. But it's just not me to quit. Knowing well that I'm a sort who, when given an opportunity(up till now), would take it and do what I can. I'd like to Thank God again for 2 other classmates who would encourage me to go on - the one who quitted from my trait and other more matured one. I won't mention the names for privacy though.

As time went by, I got to know more who came, and left, who were there before me and who came later on. Though a few were knocked out during the choosing of teams for the Qualifying Round(QR). So I believe that God put me there for a chance to learn, a reason and a purpose. Else, He'd just let me get kicked out straightaway.

More honest stories, due to the influence around me, whenever I receive a call or a message from my team partner or my teacher, I'd feel irritated and just don't feel like picking up or going as they say. But I did in the end. I'd also hesitate about going for training. Which, I went in the end also. Now you know more of my type of person. Anyway, it was a real challenging situation for me since this there is no trait related to my course and it wouldnt help me with my studies. The first and only AAT student in Mechatronics where the rest of them are from Manufacturing and Electronic course who would touch this more. I am also able to feel for my partner as he took the sacrifice to change lectures and tutorials to fit into the training schedules. Else I'd have to chaange mine. But the problem is that I only have 1 class I can change to since AAT has only.. 3 classes and 1 other class of the same path. Whereas my partner has.. 6 other classes? And I dislike that feeling of going to classes without any of your friends in it, shifting from class to class like a wanderer. I admired him and his ability to program. That I thank God for him as my programmer. I'm a mechanical guy by the way. Despite all these, things had to go on.

Trainings went on for 2 years. and it finally came to and end. I also want to thank God for putting my team to qualify for the Final Round(FR). NYP has been getting the all 3 teams into QR every competitions. Oh yes. I forgot to mention, each school will be able to send up to 3 teams(NYP, TP, SP, NP, RP and ITE). And for FR, NYP would never fail to get at least a bronze medal. As mentioned, NYP got gold for 10 years straight, and another team would get either a silver or a bronze, with TP being the strongest competitor every year. So I'm sure by now, you're able to know the pressure that we were carrying.

And sad to say, this year, we lost our gold medal, getting only the silver and the bronze. It wasn't my team at that. I was really disappointed. Honestly, I'd say that there were many factors which caused this downfall.

Firstly was the commitment of the teams itself. Yes some teams were really serious when we worked. But most of the time when there's nothing to do-no projects given. We're all playing and not doing what we're supposed to. But I'd still have to agree their teams were rather good. Just that if more effort were to be put in, we'll be able to make it and excel. Most of the time slacking and hardly working unless there's a coach in charge to give assignments. Secondly, my team lacked the communication. And honestly, I feel that he's closer to the other teams as compared with me. We hardly talk when the partners are supposed to be close to work well. With good team work and communication. I feel we lacked in that area. Whenever we encounter a problem through the assignment, we don't talk much about how to solve it well and improve the way we work, after the assignment. I know partly was because I'm a softer person. As in, I don't like to aruge and stuff. But that was necessary. Then, as mentioned before, my attitude when I was training, wasn't really right. It was like.. at the start of each project, my heart will not be fully there. And I am always tired everytime I'm there. I think it's the accumulated lack of sleep, with the 2 different trainings that I had to commit to. Though I'd try my best. I guess my best effort wasn't there, and was hidden somewhere subconsciously. Adding on to previous points, I think there wasn't enough planning and time for training. Given that the year 3s have FYP (final year project) and that time was used to focus totally on training.

Despite all of these setbacks, I'd like to Thank GOD once again for this opportunity to learn from experiences which I'll further elaborate. Also, given the chance to go back in time, I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity. Honestly speaking, I missed those period of time. Besides trainings, there were also many times when we had fun in joy and laughter. Even with the coaches. It isn't always a serious mood. The fun during the games we had. Getting to know people from the other trades. Man, I enjoyed.

Looking back, there were many learning points too.

-First, Teamwork. Though we're always getting engaged in team activities like with the class, with people you know well, when we're being put into another group and made to work as a team, would you say you'd learn teamwork really well to lead the team to do well? For me, I'd say no. I learnt teamwork. But when I was put into this, I now realise that I didnt truly learn what teamwork was. To force yourself to communicate. I mean for me. Since I'm less of the domineering type to give orders and communicate with others. Especially to stand up for your opinions. Which till now I'm still trying to open up to do so. Side-tracking abit, for the past year, I found myself watching my words so carefully to the extent that i think for a long time and not daring to say it out. and by the time I do, It's too late.

-Secondly, the pressure we faced during each competition, QR, and FR, had a type of pressure i've never experienced before. Working on a project, and when the time comes, a group of judges comes to check. You heart will beat so fast, palms will sweat. Not knowing when a problem will come out, though you know you checked, and things aren't always perfect. Though the standards can be reached, sometimes faults just happen when you least expected it. And when the evaluation is over. You just feel so relieved. But even when the faults were found, and we've setback, we've gotta pick ourselves up and move on. No matter how down we are. Especially during this trial test on one of the days right after exams. Four 3-4 hour-ed projects in a row straight. When it came to the second last project. A major fault happened. and it was already at 8 plus 9 pm. We've got one more project to clear before we can go off. We need to pick ourselves up and push on.

Thirdly, focusing when we need to. There were point in time when we just felt so drained after a paper and we got to get back to lab right after the paper to fulfill and clear some project. We need to set our minds straight. Focus on what we need to do. execute it. RIGHT AWAY. Even when we just finished laughing. The mood have to change simultaneously.

Forth, Time management, discipline and prioritizing. With all the different commitments on hand, I've gotta learn to manage and prioritise what I need to do, what I gotta sacrifice. and start planning.

Fifth, being really cautious and meticulous. For us, we need to make sure that there is hardly any errors with the professional practices. Namingly, whether a screw is tightened tight, whether the wires are stripped to correct length, whether the pneumatic tubings and electrical wirings are neat or not, whether the cableties are flushed or not, whether the components are at the correct position, whether they're placed in the correct orientation, whether we're missing any tools, how neat is the table after we pack up and EVEN any rubbish on the floor or on the station itself. In addition, we need to make sure that the program is running as how the judges sheet goes- each light, the frequency, whether there's any collision with the workpiece, and whether the sensors are working fine.

THANK GOD for all these Valuable lessons learnt. I pray that I'd be able to remember these lessons and apply them in life. So far, I've not applied any yet though. But after reflecting I'd like to apply these back once again.

Simon is that future classmate whom I admired. Getting a silver in Mobile robotics and also excelling in studies with GPA higher than mine. And participating in more other competitions which are school related and I've never even heard of. Moreover, being the president of Symphony Orchestra in NYP, how could you not be envious. Doing much more than me and excelling to. Man.. I tell you.

Oh yes. And being the Captain of Track&Field was a newly appointed role, as yet to be announced. But for this, I really really want to thank God. By His grace. I've not done much plannings since secondary school ended. I somewhat lost the idea of leading a group in planning. And I'll definitely need advice and help from seniors. And I want to thank God for this role because, I don't deserve it. Ronnie once said that he must commit to coming to track. But because of WSS, there's a period of time I didnt come, and when the Captain was away in vietnam for Attachment, Huiwei, was made the acting captain. Though I wanted to, I'd agree that it was in good hands. And I'm sincerely happy with the way it was =) I heard of the story why I was given this chance to be the captain, and Huiwei to be the VP of Sports club. But I don't think I deserve it still. Praise be to the Lord still =)

Even right now, I feel that I want to be more involved. Like sports club. I was actually aiming for sports club rather than track. But I'm also happy with the positions. I feel like.. I missed OBS and the chance to plan together with Sports Club, what a waste. I mean I'd like to learn still and help out. But.. I guess, there's a plan for me, not yet to be known.

Moving on to polite held one week right after WSS FR. Had a little time to train, but I improved. Though it wasn't shown in Pol-ite itself. Polite was bad. A total disappointment. and an improvement in discus. For now, I'm still trying to look for opinions as to whether I should join Mr. James Wong in training for Discus, knowing well that he's the SEA-games 9th time Gold medallist in discus and is strict in training. Plus the level of commitment, I don't know. I would still need to seek advice some spiritual leaders. I also don't know how it'd be like in the future. Whether I'd continue training. Then there's FYP and IAP.. and.. James Wong trains in the morning. So, it'll be more hectic.. since there's also training every evening. :/ I need advice.

P.S. WSS was held from 20th to 22nd Jan. And we might still get the chance to go London and compete since we don't know if NS allows them to defer.

A Late New Year

2011-02-20T00:03:00.005+08:00

The New Year has passed NEARLY 2 months ago. or rather, approximately one a a half month ago.

Don't make me start calculating the exact number of days.

But why I'd like to pose this question.

Have you thought of what you want to achieve at the end of this year? I mean even at this point in time. I feel it's good to just set a short period of time aside to really think about it.

Maybe this questions may help you:

(1)What do I want to do better in?

(2)Who do I want to show more Love to?

(3)How can I improve my relationship with GOD?

and with each point,

a.Why?

b.How?

c.Positive effects

These questions were brought up as Joel B. met up with the backstage crews of CBL(Captivated By Love, the christmas play) for dinner, before the New Year itself. And a wonderful time of fellowship and writing of our answers to these questions.

As you think about yours, allow me to share what I've written, and of course with some being kept in private.

(1) --Throws(shotput)

Beat PB and reach for 13m

--Studies

helping friends and encouraging them

GPA of 3.75<

--Ultimately

Focus

Discipline

Time management

(2) ==Dad

seeking more advice from him

==Classmates

encouraging instead of discouraging and disturbing

spending more time with them

(3) --Go out for walks with GOD

a. quiet time with Him

b. fork out time on weekends

c. closer r/s

--More time with the bible

a. knowing His instructions better and growing closer to the LORD

b. take time out to read in the morning when I wake

c. well-versed

--Keeping a journal

a. keeping track of what the Lord is teaching and HIS instructions

b. start-up again

--Constant seeking in prayer

a. seek help, guidance and peace

b. continue praying everywhere I go and when there's a major decision to be made.

----------------------------------------------------------

As the sharing went on, I pondered on this particular vision that I had - a hand giving a pat on a brown rock.

As I prayed and looked at this image, and these words came to mind: 'stay still. Your time has yet to come.'

One may think, why these words? 'Your time has yet to come'. What does it mean. When I told Joel this, I know he was a little puzzled since I was rather involved in church.

But I myself know for sure the reason behind this. Honestly sharing, before CBL started, and before the new pastor stepped in with the changes, I was put in charge of the planning of some events in church. But for this particular play, I was really hoping to lead something. Put in the logistics committee as one of them to take charge, and then the backstage crew, i was soon overtaken because I was busy enough dealing with 3 roles - decor, one acting role and plannings

of costumes and stuff. Then youth camp.. it just seems as though I was taken out of my position. I want to be involved. I want to plan.

But as this vision came, I knew I gotta step aside and be humble once again. I have to admit that changes happened the past few years, from secondary school, and I noticed it myself. Less humble and worse character. To take a break and soak in the Lord and to seek guidance once again.

Then on 12thJan, when I read the Daily Bread(which till now, I don't read so frequently), this is the topic which spoke to me:

-----------

Behind the Scenes

(the last paragraph):

"Sometimes within us makes us want to be seen and recognized for our good deeds. While there's nothing wrong with encouragement and appreciation, a desire for praise can undermine our service because it shifts the focus from others to ourselves. When there is no public "thank you", we may feel slighted. But even when we serve God in secret, He sees it all."

------------

Adding on to what was said before, I really thank God for this chance to stand still, take a break from all these plannings and listen to His instructions.

Despite being busy.

2010-10-19T22:27:00.007+08:00

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9"But He said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am Strong.

This is my answer for my previous post. That HIS grace is sufficient for me, and I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses. AMEN! I am a Champion of GOD. and so are YOU! Because when we are weak, then we are strong! Hallelujah!

---------------------------------------------------------

Psalms 34:7
Delight yourself in the LORD and HE will give you the desires of your heart.

This will be the verse of my semester! Tying with what Evelyn has said - when your goal is God-focused, your entire sem will feel different - I believe that this is what the Lord has been saying too.

To Elaborate, this sem has just gotten busier with a starting mere few words. During Lunchtime, I went up to the lab where training for WSS is held, and spoke to my teacher-in-charge. With this, a more hectic semester was born! But before that, Thank God English O's is on monday, not any earlier or later. If it's earlier, I am not well-prepared. If later, I'll miss the worst part of missing school work. There will be 2 Thursdays and Fridays when I'll miss lessons. Of which, includes 'Aircraft Propulsion System', and 'Aviation Practises and Legislation', which are somewhat real major subjects which need more focus on. These 2 Thursdays and Fridays will be for compulsory Evaluation, and the actual Finals itself. Additionally, the 2 weeks break will be filled with another 2 evaluations despite the trainings. Furthermore, due to the lack of time for me to train with my teammate, and compared to the year 3 teams - who are training using FYP time, we are really lacking behind by alot since we're having lessons. These thus results in coming back to school for training on Saturdays and Sundays. But by missing lessons, I still thank God that there may be extra lessons planned for me to catch up with studies. Pray that I will have it. It's crucial ;)

Without giving up Track training and aiming for a GPA of 4 this semester, I'll need to focus and work harder in everything that I'm about to do. To have my main source of strength and joy from the LORD. And to trust HIM with all I have and all I am. This will also mean that I'll cut down the usage of my computer by a whole lot.

While some may discourage me, and see this as a whole chunk of miserable living, and even complain if they were in my shoes, I look at it now, feeling joyful. This feeling I have, can only come from the Lord. Without it, I'll feel real down. But with it, I feel different. I'm enjoying school as it is now. I feel different even before school started. I feel different about this Semester. It feels awesome. Moreover, today, I saw a different view of it. I saw GOD teaching me to see joy in what I do, and trust in HIM, to draw my strength from HIM, and really learn to manage my time well. In addition to that, to also learn to do what I need to do on the spot and not procrastinate, lest things get worse.

Hence, apart from the foreseen NEAR anti-social life for the upcoming semester, that won't stop me from finding JOY, social life, and sleep, though I'll have less of it. =)

2300_

2010-10-10T23:53:00.003+08:00

Before anything, I want to Thank God for my results, which can only happen by God's grace.

Without Him, My grades are not able to change.

Next would be for Track&Field, during Wings meet on the 25th Sep.

Firstly that it rained heavily so that my event was pushed back. I know I was really late. That was my mistake. But thanks be to the Lord. I know I got lost since I walked the wrong direction. So as I was walking, I saw Tampines MRT, and decided to just go to a bus-stop and flag a cab. And as we all know, It's harder to flag a cab on a rainy day. God delivered cabs easily to me. So really, thank God.

Also, WSS QR is now over, just waiting for the results.

--------------------------------------------------------------

LEADERSHIP

Going back to basics, leadership. After some time of not organising anything, and not keeping in touch with those skills, I think I fell back behind alot. Whether I'm still up to it, I don't know.

In addition, looking at people like Joshua and Wei Yee in school, with so many CCAs, I somewhat feel envious for the reason that I admire them being able to cope. And their future will be rather good, I mean in terms of being hired. Now what about me. Far from it.

So now, I ask the Lord, "What is it that you want to tell me LORD?"

Cell on Friday reminded me of something. Your Identity in school. It reminds me of my leadership in school. and That it's just temporal.

Our Identity. Much as I wanted to take up the leadership role in school, for Track, or maybe sports club, That I've not been given. I do not know. I thought that leadership was something that is given and meant for me to take up, to learn. But LORD, what are you saying?

Could it be that you're telling me, "You need to humble yourself and learn more?"

This once again reminded me. I lost myself. The past class chalet, past events. I don't act as a leader. I see the change in my character. Worse than that of my secondary school days. I don't serve like i used to. Where has my servanthood?

TRACK&FIELD

What have I been training for. After so long, I'm still stagnant at where I am. My fitness is no better. I long to do my best and train harder. But honestly, at times, I'm real lazy. With more competition with more throwers coming into the team, it's good. Motivation and also to learn from one another. I'm still as proud. trying to act as if I know more and that I'm better. But that's just some nonsense.

Friday, while throwing javelin for IVP trials, I pulled some body tissues in my right obliques. Only found out that it's this bad. As in, I can't apply any sudden forceful movements, or the pull with start at that instant, and the pain will come with it for that instant. To confirm, I tried to do my shotput movement, and I really felt it again. And I thought I was okay and recovered already, on friday.

Really LORD, What are you trying to say to me? What do you need me to do?

I'm trying to do my best. To focus and to please you. But I think I'm not doing enough. Am I, LORD?

Focusing on studies, and sports, and not spending much time with you. I'm kinda in a dilemma. Lord, guide me oh Father. I think even now, I'm not thinking really fully because I'm not really clear of what I wanted to say. I mean, track and leadership.. I'm not sure if it's only those, will need to think again,

2010-09-12T22:54:00.002+08:00

It's always this case. They promised lesser training days and more time to study(originally) and more time to rest. But when It comes, they just burn EVERYTHING.

WSS training was supposedly only one week. with the week before QR to be a rest.

Now, It's 2 whole weeks of full training. Mon to Sat, 8.30 to 6 pm

Moreover, IVP is coming, and I really wanna train and be better and prepared for IVP.

So I'm predicting my timetable to be such that :

7am - wake up

8.30am to 6pm - WSS training

6pm to 9pm - T&F training

then chiong home for dinner, and wait for my food to digest before I go and prepare myself with sufficient energy for the next day.

so latest, 11.30pm, hopefully 11.

and the whole cycle repeats. Dont think I'll come online at all also.

hence This marks the start of these 2 long, tedious and draining week.

Lord, grant me your strength to pull through. Help me to have your joy within my heart. Help me to get through this cheerfully and glorifying you. These weeks really isnt going to be easy for me, but Lord, you're the only one I can count on. The Almighty God who created the world, and is ahead of our challenges, knowing what is ahead of us, and for us. Your plans to prosper us that no eyes have seen, no ears have heard, and no mind can ever imagine. Lord. Thank You Lord.

Help me to constantly draw this strength from you.

Amen

2310h_

2010-09-12T22:20:00.002+08:00

to the previous post, I would say I've found myself, and more importantly my answer.

It all lies with the Lord.

Honestly, I guess during that period of time, I was too caught up with what I'm feeling, and really really refusing to let God get back to the right state. Up till church last week, as well as encouragements from certain friends. and Truly, with my life in His hands, there's no need to worry for He has His plans to prosper us.

For now, I'm just going to Let the Lord take over.

Thank You Lord for EVERYTHING.

over and out. 2227h_

When things go up, there will be a peak, whereby things will stop dropping.

2010-09-03T22:43:00.004+08:00

I think I'm in that peak - not too high up, probably just the peak of a small hill - falling off at this very steep rate, as though it was cliff. Everything just seem to be crumbling down badly.

Just taking a step back to think and reflect, What am I doing. Really.

WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING? REALLY.

WSS was a time for me to pick up something new. To help myself grow in discipline, time management, patience, and probably, in leadership too. Those times after WSS when I have that short time for training, I keep thinking and telling myself that 'I need to rest. I need to study.'

But who am I really deceiving?

Honestly, I really have no idea what I'm doing, or why I've become like that. Looking back and comparing my life in secondary school and poly, I would say I've changed. I've changed for the worse. Right now, dragging basically everything down with me. The times I chose to rest and not study but instead, waste my time away, I've lost myself from studies. The times I chose to rest and think that I need to study, but waste it all away, I lost my commitment to track and training. I've lost my place of leadership. I've lost to myself, an athlete. Now, am I really an athlete? I ask myself. The times when I chose to think that I need to study but actually just waste my time when my friends ask me out, I lost my social life. I think back and wonder, I could have gone out with them instead.

And right now, I choose to rush over my studies and give somethings up like going for CE, and losing that commitment, I don't know. I don't have my answer. All in my mind now is, I need a break. I NEED A BREAK. I need to sit and think. I need to really sleep and rest and reflect.

Then again, isn't it tha case that those who work really hard and commit themselves fully, deserve that break? That led me to the answer that I don't deserve that break. Even if I want to, where can I find that break? When can I have it? I'm honestly desperate for it.

Losing myself, Losing my studies, Losing my trainings, Losing MY COMMITMENT!

The feeling just can't stop. Everything Just seems to be going downhill.

Honestly, when people say "JYJY!", "All the way!", "All the best!", "Don't give up!" or "I'll be praying for you!"

What do you feel? What do you think about it? Does it push you to keep going?

For me, I don't think I'll react strongly to that. My reaction will be simply: "okay, thanks"

But do you really mean it? I don't think so. I just don't feel like it's doing anything. At the most, It'll just be, "Thanks =) with a little smile and encouragement"

What Really striked me today was this, I won't reveal who it is, but it said "Why like this, Jeremy?"

It really strucked me hard at that moment. I was expecting an encouragement. Well, not really. I did something wrong the last week, and was actually expecting something bad. But not as bad.

It got me thinking later on, that was this is about. What am I doing?

And whatever it is, it's still a strong discouragement. And when you're especially in the valley, that feeling of discouragement multiplies greatly.

Weeks back, or maybe, a couple of months back, I was just alone with Michael, at school's mac, just chilling out and looking after the bags while some of them were playing frisbee. And we suddenly started talking about being emo. My answer to him was that I've not felt emo in a long time. Being happy and cheerful all the time. But just within this week, I felt that emo feeling once again. Helpless and useless.

Just last night, before I go to bed, I started complaining about the issue which have been in my heart for a long time, till now when I thought everything was going well, about having a best friend. A friend whom we can share and pour our problems to. And that of course, I just typed it in a text on my phone, and deleted it in the morning. And being reminded of that incident, I msg-ed mike about that feeling which has just found itself again.

Then I got back to thinking. How would that help anyway. Keep telling someone how bad you are, how low you are, giving that bad impression, probably telling them how you want to change..

But things just keep to seem and stay as the way they are. Sometimes, you try and still get back to where you are, and sometimes, you just keep staying there and complain. What's the point if you don't make a point to start moving?

I feel that's where I am. Telling the world what I'm like though I'm trying. And at your lowest moment, you just can't help it, but to give that bad impression and all. typing to the computer. Geez. I think I should stop to really try and stop all these. Guess this is really where I should put that full-stop.

Signing off. 2344_

For what Reason

2010-08-24T21:34:00.007+08:00

"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live" - Psalms 116:1-2

Thank You oh Father, for hearing our voice when we call on you. Thank You for hearing our cry for mercy when we need them. Thank You for forgiving our sins as we confess them to you. Thank You for coming to our rescue when we need your help, though sometimes your answer may be "wait", or even, "NO". For we know you have your purpose. Thank You for never forsaking us, when we are at our lowest, or in our deepest trouble of the moment.Thank You for being there with us even when we don't feel you. Thank You for waiting for us to come back, when we draw away from you. These amount of gratitude, no words can describe.

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not fail you nor forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." - Deuteronomy 31:8

For this reason, I will call on you. For this reason will your spirit and courage be with me. Though honestly, I would say that fear will falter and not disappear within us totally, we ask of you oh Lord, to guide us through this ordeal. For YOU, go before us all. For YOU, go before all our trials and storms. For you will always be with us. Thank You once again, our Heavenly Father.

For YOU go before me, Lord, guide my way with Your light. Teach me what is right and help me to understand Your Word and Your works. Help me to stay focused and learn to be more disciplined.

Amen.

2237_

Nolstalgia

2010-08-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

Nolstalgia - a wistful desire to return in thought or to a former time in one's life; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

Ever miss the past?

Nowadays, I often think of how Good a boy I used to be back in the days when I was still in secondary school. I mean in character wise. Compared to who I am now, though I would admit and say that I've grown also. What an irony which even I myself find hard to understand.

Met many of whom I've not met in quite some time once again. Feels very.. Family liked. And I wonder and ponder about why they have to leave. Really.

Thinking of the past, I still remember how I used to bully my younger sis, shout around in the house whenever I'm angry and pissed, and just TRY to slam the door, or.. most of the time, just shut myself up somewhere and just keep quiet as I used to be. I mean, I was rather and more quiet and anti-social when I was younger.

How I made my younger sis cry by accident when I was just throwing a rubber ball against the wall, and she suddenly walked pass and hit her.

How often I get scoldings from my parents.

How I lied to my mum that I was studying, when I was actually reading a book and she was looking at what exactly I was doing.

How my elder sis and me were doing our pri and kindergarten school work respectively and how our younger sis just sat on the floor in front of us and played.

Those days. Just makes me wanna relive that childhood. Back to being a child.

Back to being a child is not a bad thing. According to the scripture, we must humble ourselves. And have that child-like faith which we all often neglect. Maybe not all. But it's just a reminder because Honestly, I dont humble myself at times.

Mark 10:15

¹⁵I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Matthew 18:1-4

¹At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"
²He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.⁴Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

0020h

JEREMY

2010-08-16T23:19:00.003+08:00

JEREMY - God will uplift; set free.

uplift: 1) emotional or spiritual exaltation

2) to raise morally, spiritually, culturally, etc.

I believe it all starts here, once again.

The Exaltation, the setting free!

Never letting that chance go!

I'm FREE and UPLIFTED!

2010-08-16T22:27:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time once again. With urges to share certain stuff, but I was too lazy.

This time round, I'm back to share.

I believe through this stage in life, GOD is really teaching me about obedience. The past Few days, I guess I'm really spending more time with the Lord, and it's just a wonderful feeling. Feeling which I've missed and neglected on and off through the Past, and I pray that it will not fade from now on, but this Faith will continue growing.

Amazingly, I managed to spend slightly more than an hour just thanking the Lord and praying.

And as fear about studies creeped up behind me, the Lord left this Joy that comforts me and affirms that the results will go well and be good. And that, I want to believe.

Romans 8:31 "If God is for us, who can be AGAINST us"

Truly, If God is for us, nothing can stand in the way. and with GOD, nothing is impossible. no problems, troubles, trials or storms. This God whom we know and believe in, has the power and authority over nature, sickness and death, so what does he not have power and authority over?

This God we know, created the heavens and the earth, and breathed life into everything, including you and me. As Jeremiah 32:27 affirms us "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" So what more can the Lord not do for us?

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21) and " 'for I know the plans I have for you' , declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future' "(Jeremiah 29:11). Therefore, "commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3) and "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer, and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Phillipians 4:6)

Yesterday's Sermon, though short, was good. Work, from curse to gift.

What and who are we actually working so hard for?

I want it to be for GOD. I want to do it with Christ in us, and Christ with us!

He Will Carry You

2010-07-07T00:51:00.007+08:00

There is no problem too big God cannot solve it

There is no mountain too tall God cannot move it

And There is no storm too dark God cannot calm it

There is no sorrow too deep He cannot soothe it

And if He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders

I know my brother That He will carry you

And if He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders

I know my Sister That He will Carry

He Said, "Come unto Me all who are weary, and I will give you rest"

There is no problem too big God cannot solve it

There is no mountain too tall God cannot move it

And There is no storm too dark God cannot calm it

There is no sorrow too deep He cannot soothe it

And if He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders

I know my brother That He will carry you

And if He carried the weight of the world upon his shoulders

I know my Sister That He will Carry

I know my Brother and I know my Sister

That He, He's going to carry you

Oh Yes He will

He's going to carry you

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHEN HOME IS NOT A HOME ANY LONGER

2010-07-06T23:25:00.006+08:00

I used to take my school as a second home. But now, due to the events happening which got me really sick and tired, this school, ONCE a home to me, is no longer a home to me in a certain aspect to a certain extend.

It's been weeks which and where I wanted to post this up. But was afraid to do so because of the fear of a certain reason. Of course, not to be disclosed here. But I decided to finally do it because of the awesome-ness of today.

To elaborate further, really, I'm rather sick and tired of WSS. But I know I have to persevere and pull through it. Being offered to go for OBS is what I really wanted with another meaning behind it. To want to have a chance to lead, to learn and grow further in character and maybe.. abit more knowledge?

Only thing is that OBS is in and on the road towards collision. With WSS Qualifying Round coming up on 28th and 29th sept, training will be tough. OBS falls on 13th and 16th sept. how lovely. why can't it be slightly after? anyway, I would really want to go for OBS, and am trying to find a chance, given that I was not able to make it in secondary school. and for me to take that role, takes a whole lot more of commitment.

However, after advise and opinions, God Spoke to me through people. and made me realise that the asking is the first step which i must take since i dont want to reject that, and i can't assume that the answer from my teacher will be a "NO".

What really makes me wanna post this is because I should just do it and not keep waiting because waiting can really get you nowhere. Like how I was really reluctant to just send a message to my teacher to want to find a time to speak to him about this issue. ALSO, it's because this home doesn't matter because I have a home where I can find joy all the time. In the house of the Lord.

In the house, I find the peace I need, and the Joy what far surpasses all other happiness.

2325_

RUINED AGAIN

2010-06-27T20:39:00.003+08:00

I was actually already having plans of what to do after exams.
Like after WSS on a normal sch day, go for track and home to study.
but i realise.. i cant really do that since Sat afternoon will be invested in Church. which is a good thing. but studying in the morning or training in the morning? hais..
it ruined the plan of going cycling on sat also. but maybe i can fork it out. like the evening? or sun is also possible.
Then again.. plans for doing some craft.. more time.

I just received my letter from MOE regarding O's. And it's in Whitley. My sister's school. -.-
taking o's with her in her sch. wow. amazing isnt it. WHY?!

2047_

OUR EYES ARE THE BEST CAMERAS WHICH HAS THE HIGHEST PIXEL AND STORES THE DATA IN OUR BRAIN. IT CAN BE REVEALED OR DELETED ANYTIME.

2010-06-24T00:57:00.006+08:00

The title explains it all. Our eyes are the best cameras we all can ever have. With the highest definition, even in the night! What all other digital cameras cannot capture, our eyes can. I mean, maybe except for spirits. Those images can then be stored in our brain. but whether to keep it or delete it, we make the decision. only disadvantage is that sometimes, we may forget about it.

I didn't regret going for the 'Last Bar-bie Que' because of studies. In fact, from there, I've came to realise something from the past, and also to have learnt something. It's also a small step closer to my sisters today. Almost like having 2 girlfriends at diff time of the day. Lunch with the younger one, and picking her up.. etc. and for the elder, just a sit and small small slight talk alone at the breakwater.

The title was the first thing I re-realised. It started when I was walking with Rachel back to the bbq pit, after washing out hands, and we were talking about being able to just capture pictures with our eyes like a robot, and then take it out at a later time and view it again. then came the picture as i was sitting with my elder sis at the breakwater, just enjoying the scene, sea-breeze, and not being able to capture anything, but that where the lights are from the ships, and of course, the rocks.

After picking my younger sis up from somewhere far, I came back and didnt really feel like eating. Looking at the different groups, like the small group of people eating, the group of people cooking, and David's legion all around, and also, Special Guest, Lionel and Julian, just standing there and chatting.. Well, I went to have a short chat with Lionel, and afterwhich, I felt.. I dont feel like belonging anywhere. I dont feel like eating, not with David's legion. and the cooking area.. I dont know. frankly speaking, I'm envious of how Theo manage to get closer to them than I can ever do so. Like your friends from 2 diff sides of the world, just get to know each other, and becomes closer to each other than with you. something like that. But I'm okay. haha. At that moment when i was there.. I was lazy to eat and cooking is being done by them. So I made a move to help Leonard search for his slippers, then sat alone at the breakwater.

here comes the second part.
call me emo but i really am. only to a certain extend. but it's a good thing. sitting alone at the breakwaters and watching the whole group for.. around 30mins or more? or maybe less. Well, Just enjoying the sound of the waves crashing and the breeze of the sea. and maybe also looking around into the clouds, and elsewhere.
It reminds me of times like these in the past. times where i would just stay and the back and watch my friends from afar. times when i would sit alone purposely when my friends are having fun? and WONDERING how long will they take to notice my absence. WONDERING who will be the one to notice it and WONDERING who will come to find me.

But as I sat and thought, I enjoyed those moments. Looking at it from the other point of view, it's just enjoying the peace I can have. and watching for the safety of my friends. watching them have fun. they bring joy. watching from afar. who will be like me. feeling leftout, though i am not but yet think i am and not satisfied with it. so that I can be the one there for them. My points of view from the past, and from where I am now. I guess it's just my nature. Though at times I complain to myself of who are my friends and not being satisfied enough with the friends around for me, and wanting something which i know for myself is hard for me so accomplish. I'm thankful to have all my friends who standby me. Who later comes and ask whether you're fine. and why emo. but well, i'm not. this time round, I realise. to just be myself and enjoy watching them move around and also to spend time with the Lord.

0143_

DO NOT FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE POSSIBILTIES, BUT RATHER, ON THE POSITIVE IMPOSSIBILITIES

2010-06-16T21:50:00.002+08:00

I've had this thoughts randomly, a few days ago.
And i thought to myself: Hm, that's true.

with Negative possibility being something like.. a possibility which is not that good to be done? probably with a lousy result in return of whatever you're going to invest and spend your time and energy in.

on the other hand, Positive Impossibility is the opposite. haha. Well, an impossibility with much challenges an much gain in return of all the effort.

I believe that different people may interpret it differently, but this is my interpretation.

And also, for us, to do something impossible,
like for my case - in WSS, I'm doubting the possibility of doing well, making it an impossibility, which has many gains and returns - , before we do all that, we need a change in mindset.
And that's what I'm trying to do. to get that mindset of persevering, pushing on.
And a Focus-ed Mind. On putting my mind on what I need to do, what I want to do and and more importantly, what God wants me to do.

2212h_

NOTHING BUT A GOOD BALL GAME WHICH BRINGS OUT MORE FROM THE TEAM

2010-06-15T20:59:00.006+08:00

A good game of basketball with the team after 2 years.
It just brings back the memories of the trainings we had in school. the hardwork, the fun times of training like joking around, disturbing and being disturbed. though some of us do not have the talent, we were still a team.
And I sure am Glad. for one reason, and that is, this time round when we played, we were much closer than before. being able to sit down at Bishan Active, to talk stuff like how to reject a call or a very persistent offer, or just a lil' about MLM and my experience.
what amazes me more is the thing about chatting and joking with those of whom i dont talk much to.

Truely, a team will always remain a team. and yes! i'll be looking forward to more games.
though it was just a night of ball game, it really seemed like training at certain points in time.
And as usual, I still miss quite alot.
though i improved abit in shooting.

Well, this has gotten me in to mood to wanna play more.
Soon! when i have the time.. i'll buck up.

2228h_

a straight of 12 days of going and being in school.

2010-06-13T22:24:00.002+08:00

With the coming week of WSS trainings when it's SUPPOSED TO BE study break, I'll officially set the record of being in school for 12 days straight again. I think.

Honestly, I'm really feeling very sick of it. Just thinking of going back to school for WSS. I mean putting aside the rewards of it. It's real irritating and unattractive and.. how do i describe it?
I just dont feel like going for it. and RISKING my studies and grades for that. :/

but then again, the past 2 days were rather well. Getting to bond with fellow trackmates. Only that the first and second day felt abit sian because of the stuff being done, like ending school only at 2125h and the second day, waiting from morning till 2 plus before the games actually started, due to CLIMB RUN. but all in all, Yes, i was feeling sian because of certain reasons, but i would say, it's good. Thanks Organisers and Mr. Guru for planning, and all other members for attending.

-------------------------------------------------------

I am really thankful Oh LORD. I'm happy, and delighted but yet again, the contrast occurs.

I'm delightful and joyous because of your spirit which fills my heart and my soul.
one thing which I guess the class brought up, which though i dont know whether was true, was that they see the change in me. well, only except for BEN saying he's not sure whether it's for the good or the bad. But I believe it's for the Goood because you live in me.

Yes, I've decided to change and go that way. But I realised I've made a few mistakes just within these fews days which I feel real bad about. About certain behaviour and things which I do that is not right. e.g. to irritate a friend out of fun, but the wrong way. i mean it all started out of fun, and without me thinking of the later consequences. What's next would be what came out of the mouth which I've tried to sustain but it just popped out and i felt real guilty.

I'm hungry for the word. but is that what spurs me to go to church today, though I can't make it? Besides friends, yes. But then again, i guess the sermon can be heard online. If i have the time to. Hence drawing to conclusion, i would say for friends, cell and fellowship.

but oh well, things have been going on.
Lord, just keep me constantly in touch with you.
Draw me close and never let me go. help me also to not pull away from this wonderful relationship with you.

Loving GOD, Touching Heart

2010-06-10T21:12:00.003+08:00

Church Camp was a Real Good Deal and experience. I thank God i didnt miss this time round's one. Because of what he's installed for me.

Only thing is it just passed to quickly. and yes, many of us will wish to stay on and stay longer.
But the only thing we can do is to accept the fact, and get back to reality.

brought my notes but i only managed to read through 15 pages of notes. that's all.
Well, i wondered why i brought my book for.
or maybe. there's just a need to prioritise my time and sacrifice more.

this experience with God was totally awesome that i feel different right now.
on the way in the bus after the tuas checkpoint, I've been enjoying the presence of the Lord and I just CAN'T WAIT to go back to church on Sunday. only thing is that I am not able to make it cos of track camp. but all this said, We can worship and praise GOD Everyday and everytime!
When I'm back home, turned on the com for reasons like discussing something with vene, I just sense that I dont want to use the com. okay maybe except to blog. And maybe also because I need to study for 2 tests tomorrow. I also sense that I should just delete the games off my facebook and stop playing. seriously. Because I've made that commitment to set my mind right and to focus on what I need to focus on. to honor the LORD, to set my mind and focus on HIM, to LOVE HIM, and also to glorify him.
LORD, Let me stay this way. and not Go back to my original self. AMEN.

But one thing which really got me irritated straight away at the first step into Singapore is the mind of a busy man. this mind of mine, filled with the stress of WSS, schoolwork, trying to rush things for tmr's track camp.
and when i signed onto msn. The first thing which really really got me irritated was Ben.Chia greeting and asking FIRST whether I bought gum for him. -.- Seriously. all that he cares about. Anyway, I don't feel like going back to school also. though i know my class is fun, Lord, give me the courage and strength to refrain from getting myself influenced in the bad ways.

Back to Singapore, Back to stress, Back to business and back to busy-ness.
But LORD, I commit all of these into your hands. Because Lord, you give me the strength to carry on. and with You, Nothing is impossible.

signing off and turning off the com_
2140h_

2010-06-05T22:12:00.006+08:00

i'm just so amazed at how i slept at 3.50am 2 nights before, and managed to wake up at 6.50, feeling rather energetic. and the only time i felt real "chui" is during WSS training where i really dont feel like doing anything. and rested quite ABIT.

But I thank God. I managed to clear quite some amount of work. and weeks before. They seem so hideous. mountaineous workload. but now, it seems as though it's real easy, and managable. Just what was I doing. Feeling satisfied except for the fact that I'll need to work harder and do better. and Catch up with more work.

Be consistent and do your part. The rest will flow through smoothly.

05/06/2010_ 2221h_

the toughest decision as yet.

2010-05-31T23:30:00.003+08:00

the start of the day was fine. going well.

till evening comes.

One of the lecturers in charge of this trait of wss which I'm in reminded me of how intense training would be and is to become.
of course, starting with how training for me is currently like.
It then come to the stage where I may need to cut down on whatever training hours that i may have.
and honestly, if i make it further into the finals and eventually, say the world based, in representing Singapore, I will need to give up track and many other commitments which can help with building eternal values.

Not shooting any arrows towards any lecturers or taking wss as a blame. But more of a.. introduction to this tough decision that I have to make and be responsible for?

Not saying that wss doesn't build up eternal values. Because now, I know that this whole tiring process is training me in the sense of decision making, discipline, prioritising, dealing with pressure and stress, working with a partner whom I'm not as close to as many of you reading this, coping with many other commitments at the same time, learning something new... that's what I can think of for now.
And another thing is, yes, this can help in learning something more, which may be applicable in future when i go out to work and MAY need to deal with something like that (which may not be so in my field), and it can help me get a slightly better cert (ONLY if i make it far, that is).
And another real thing is, Who seriously knows when the Lord's second coming is? Who seriously knows when is the world ending. It can be, in the next second, minute, day, week, month, year, or decade. who knows?

HOWEVER, the commitments and things that i'm busy with, which I have in my hands, right now, besides wss, is Track Trainings (though honestly sometimes I'm really lazy to train, but track has became another family of mine), having the role as a cell-intern for youth, helping out with church's Young Adult site update from next year on, Studies, working for my aunt's colleague (also which I promised to), having to retake English O's. And the Things that i really want to do which I feel are of high priority, is to spend time with God, Glorify him, build better relationships with the people around me - namely, family an friends, by hanging out, helping them, etc. And one more thing is to help plan events for the church, especially and mainly for the Youths, to grow more leaders/groom people.
And really, there's one more thing which I would WANT to do. and that is to be part of the committee to lead track. to head track.

Of those stated above, Leadership is one common value which i'm not sure whether it's considered and eternal value. but all in all, these are what i want to do.

And IF i make it far in wss, i may have to give up quite a number of commitments like track, the wanting to head track, maybe abit of the work, to remove commitments in church like helping to plan events, and help with the site. And something which has already been sacrificed greatly is the amount of time spent to build better relationships with people, groom them, to spend time with them.

Hence, if you evaluate properly, it's giving up many for the sake of one uncertain future.
So, Really, I'm really giving it a tough thought. and by quitting wss now, it's seriously a waste of time and effort, and being very selfish to my partner who has been putting alot of effort, which I see to be more effort of that than mine. It's real hard to make this decision.

I face the pressure to quit wss, to give up track and many other commitments, and also, do just keep doing and doing well.

for the whole of today, or looking at time now, 1236h, meaning yesterday, I keeep asking myself.
Is there another option? other than giving up either one? Can I just Try and go on with everything on hand?

Lord, I need your help. I can't do this all by myself. Help me, guide me. Be my Strength, and be my shield. Be my fotress and be my deliverer. OH Lord, I seek you help because without you, nothing is possible. without you, where else can i seek my source of strength and comfort. Without you, where can I turn to?
Lord, There are things That i really want to do. You know my heart.
And now, the tough thing is to GIVE UP track and the following responsibilities.
But Lord, Do what is best for me. Carry on with what you have planned and install for me.
Let your decision, enable me to Glorify you. meaning that whatever your decision is, help me to use it to glorify you. Oh Lord, Use me. To do your will, and not my will.

But for now, Lord till I hear you again, and as I've promised. I'll continue to hang in there! to go all out! and do my best! I'm going to make the impossible possible, because you are around. I'm going all out to keep everything in place and create that other option. To not give up anything, yet just do my best.

siging off. 0047h_
___________________________________________
startpostingtime-2330h

i want to.. Live Life for GOD.

2010-05-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

I suddenly feel this urge, or prompting to continue with another post.

Indeed, we have to change. I want to change.

I'm deciding to be honest here.
I wanna be different from yesterday as from today on.

Honestly speaking.
i've been in the habit of trying to get attention? not totally, but also to suit my other friends. for the sole purpose of trying to be more open, to make more friends, to make better friends.
but it really spoke to me that i should just stop and revert to what I truely am.
I dont speak up for myself that much.
But it's time i grow up and voice my own opinions. and not wait for them to start making the opinions, before i start butting in and agreeing with those opinions.

Yes, i may be complaining time and time again. and in mind, i want to be positive. I want to glorify God.
However, I think/know that I've been in the wrong path of doing that.

hence, from now on, I just want to Focus on You oh Lord. to make you the sole purpose i'm living for. to live my life to the maximum and do my best in every aspect.
I WANT TO LIVE A DIFFERENT LIFE WITH A DIFFERENT MINDSET.

2319h -=-

2010-05-30T22:25:00.003+08:00

I actually planned for this blog to be lively and filled with encouragements.
though i can't really help with complaining.

anyway, today's a great day, though it felt mundane.

though i find myself caught in the world. of not really wanting to move on for fear of the unknown ahead of me,
I decided to push on. Not for myself, but for GOD, and for the people around me!

Met with Mel to study after Youth Cell, who was with Matt, and was just listening to them talk. Though topic were rather serious, about the church, more towards the youth, and certain issues which i'm not sure where to categorise under.
But it tugs the heartstrings. Though I'm already helping out in certain areas, and can't afford more commitments up my hands, I feel motivated to get closer to God.

Why, must there be something called forgetting. I dont wanna forget what we talked about, which i know we will, over time.

But I really appreciate and enjoy those talks.
together with the after-study talk with mel, about how we deal with our work, like how we get motivated. And I realise that I'm like her, in the sense that for our work, we use our friends as motivation. Because we want to help them. When we do things, we keep our friends who are involved, in mind.

And this really motivates me more. To do things with the Love of friends in mind.
Hence, for now,
I'M GOING TO PUSH AND WORK HARD! FOR THE SAKE OF MY FRIENDS. I'M GOING TO WORK HARD, SO THAT I CAN HELP THEM. SO THAT I CAN ALSO SPEND MORE TIME WITH THEM THAN I WILL WANT TO SPEND WITH THE COM!
And
I'M GOING TO WORK HARD BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT. i somewhat forgot how to put another word for it. another way of expressing this.

AND LET GOD'S GLORY BE SHOWN.

are these sacrifices worth it?

2010-05-30T18:37:00.003+08:00

Being real busy and caught up is sickening to a high extend.

But as they say, sacrifices must be made.

and then again, I think these sacrifices are not worth it!
to sacrifice hanging out with my classmates to play frisbee, to sacrifice studying time, to sacrifice some trainings, to sacrifice hanging out with old friends and classmates, to sacrifice hanging out with ze-moo-gang (moo, drew,vene,sther et moi), to sacrifice hanging out with NYPtrackteam, To SACRIFICE...

ESPECIALLY FOR THE BIRTHDAYS! I HAVE TO SACRIFICE THEIR BIRTHDAYS!
to those who were supposed to have celebrations or celebrations i have/had sacrificed:
malcolm,andrew,vene,ethel,evelyn,esther,MAYBEmysis-eugenia.

this are all as for now. currently.

not that I want to.
but am I getting my priorities right?

I feel real bad. Feel me.
I know you felt this before too.

1837h-=-

2010-05-24T20:41:00.003+08:00

Here's another lengthy one. Well, I've been wanting to, but yet been lazy and busy and wanting mroe time to entertain myself.
BUT I realise i shouldn't just drag any longer for fear that I might never have the time to say what I want to say, and may even forget.
Honestly, I'm supposed to be sleeping, right now, to recoup of my lost sleep, or maybe just doing my work. but here I am, wanting to share something.

The past nearly 2 months have really been challenging. besides helping friends, which I'm very much willing to, God has given me more challenge. more pressure. more stress.
You, reading this, may not believe in this God of whom I believe in and put my life in his hands. But I'll still proceed with what I'm going to share.
Continuing from describing my past 2 months in summary, I believe that the outcome to this is much more greater than what it seem. It have been and will be good experiences learnt and to learn, as well as many other greater benefits from this moments of trials.

Starting off in much more detail, 2 months ago, I got into this "company" - not disclosing any name - wanting to help my family to get through this financial crisis more smoothly. Also mainly because one of my elder sister's pulled me in. A mlm company which claims to be a hybrid and not deal with mlm, but more to network marketting and TCM. Looking at products, interesting, looks good to sell, and thought it'd be a good opportunity to learn stuff from this, and earn a sum to brring my family through since I'm the only guy in my family besides my dad, and due to the circumstances in the family, I really felt a need to just stand up and be responsible and start doing something. Acting Rashly, and not seeking any advice or considering further, I went straight in. Which got me into deep shit. Then more people like Nic, Mil, Joel B. and M., Uncle Francis, and My elder sis came to learn of this happening. still with my parents not knowing anything.

There are reasons why I really didnt want to proceed into it. Namely, the amount of commitments that I would be having, looking from the view of it being holiday and school is starting, spiritual wise - as nic said, and morally I find it very unethical, and really not my type of a way to cheat of my friend's money. I mean when I learnt of the business model. and truely, looking at things as it is now, I dont even have ample time for myself at this point in time.

It all soon became personal problem, and then a family problem when my mum first knew about it when she saw the bill for a new line under my name being sent through mail, earlier than I had expected to keep it away from her, nearly a month later. And with advice, to tell my Dad because we all feel that he needs to know, and has a responsiblity to it happening too. And also, many more WSS trainings, and TRACK trainings have to be forgone. Honestly, I really want to go for track! =/

Anyway, the problem became bigger when Joe. B. accompanied me to the company one Sunday after church to seek for refund, and as we suspect it to be in breach of the law, which we found out later that they sneakily got their way around the law, and the law doesn't apply. and we continue to try to seek advise, and even to the means of going to CAD at the police cantonment in outram and seeking CASE's help, which didnt get much in return. While trying to get the full refund, we were told that the full refund can only be given if you cancel the order within 7 days of purchase. and thing is, I didnt do the purchase of the goods. and secondly, I wasn't informed of any T&C at all! Their tactic - distract and not tell about the T&C. and still being ignorant, sadly, I just went on ahead. As the debate went on in the company between the 2 parties, the company and us, I really got to hate it more when what they speak of is really fake, and they way they do it. Their claim: "The people here is really friendly." and "If they reject you when you approach them, and even claim not to be your friend anymore, they are just your fair-weathered friends. In here. you find your true friends." I really wonder. What lies.
And also, as mentioned, my mom found out about it a month later. I face the pressure of a cold war with her, and my parents mentioning this issue over the phone to other friends and family members. It's really irritating and it's like. Your face is gone.
then my mum helped by calling my sister's friend down to our house to scold her and stuff. followed by meeting again with the company, and one other manager, together with my aunt and my dad, things get slightly better in terms of the problems faced, though still heated. and it finally got to an agreement where my sister's friend offered to come up with the other half of the refund to iphone back which my parents demanded for.

that's about the story, though not full. come find me if you want more details.

Keeping school commitments to the last after this whole problem, I'll start elaborating my reasons.

When Nic found out of the problem from Mil and Joe. B., we had a talk on evening. and stuff which made sense to me were about serving 2 masters. Man can only serve 1 master. not 2. For our case, the 2 masters are God, and money. Either God, or Money. Hence, in your case, if you don't believe in what I believe in, your religion or money. and right now, I believe you understand what I mean that we can only serve 1 master. Many other Christians may also say it as "God has given me this opportunity, to earn big so as to glorify him and give more back." but in actual fact, though some may be true to use the money to bless others, some may already be worshipping Money as a form of greed, which many of us do. And carrying on with this "JOB" will also affect my walk with God since I'm already lacking in time for my ownself knowing that I'll be very busy.
As mentioned, I also find it very unethical and a very immoral way of earning money as the money mainly come from people who joins the company, unless you do sales, which only covers a bare bit of your "fixed" income, which was supposed to increase with rank.
Lastly, it's against the way I like to do things. The way they earn, Joe reminded me if this is the way i want to earn the money. and even I feel that this is too unethical as I love the people around me. and Really would not want anyone to get into this shit and be cheated and start cheating others.

Despite this whole problem being a big challenge which many people are not willing to face and go through, I would say I really thank God for putting me through this process because of the many things that I've learnt. Especially when I learn of the love of my elder sis and parents. how my elder sis teared when she learnt of this. how my mum actually made those numerous calls to the extend of exceeding her outgoing calls' limit just to help me seek advise and help to get through this problem. how she understood this problem though the start of her knowing was rather bad, and how she broke this news to my dad, asking him not to scold me, and understand it. and ALSO, how my dad called for a family meeting which we don't usually do. I really thank God for it. Because through this unusual meeting, we get to learn from our dad, and hear him speak for 1 hour. we get to actually sit as a family to talk and tear together. Do you get that?

From this experience, I've learnt to seek advise and always think more before I make my decision in signing something. I've learnt to share things with my parents though I am still afraid. I've learnt of the love around me. and more importantly, I grew. how many of us would say that that we are willing to go through this experiences? Willingly. I say.

Remembering of what I left out, my commitments in school covers school from 8-3, latest, but there's WSS training everyday till 6, which may drag and delay. Once, WSS dragged till 2045h. and another, 2015h. Late as that can be, I also go for track and field training after WSS which can last till 8 plus or 9? and by the time I reach home, I'm so lazy and I just indulge myself with my dinner and tv and computer that I leave my studies out.

5 weeks have passed. and I regret not touching my books at the start even when the major problem is going on. Right now, I'm really lagging behind with very little understanding of the heeps of mountains of theories and formulas and total worry about my results and not doing well this sem. Influence has got a hold of me and self-discipline disappeared to the extend of me not listening to class, and being rude in the sense that i silently go against a teacher and not listen cos i find some modules useless, and a slight change in myself.

Now I realise it's all important. In addition, on Saturdays, I wanted to study, but ended up slacking, till the past Sat. With meeting Mil on off on saturdays and sundays, so far inconsitently, needing it to become consistent, for Eng. Improvement since I'm retaking English O's this year.
Furthermore, with the Church moving into integrated service, and changes being made, there'll be C.E. and Y.A. cell on saturdays or maybe sundays, especially since I'm an intern and partly, leader. With events coming up, I'm not sure of the current plans but I might be involved. And for that, I'll need to re-consider.

Before I forget, there's actually track event which I'm supposed to help plan. and am really feeling guilty that I cannot help much cos of the time taken for WSS. and i really want to help plan the events, and lead the team. and with true sadness, I'm tearing for this sacrifice being made.

At times, I really wish I didnt take WSS on, because, because of this, I'm sacrificing alot more. I'm wishing to hurry get over this.
But on the other hand, I want to do well in this and get a good cert and recognition. With the chance to go London with transport and lodging covered, with monetary rewards for winning top 3, WHO DOESN'T WANT IT? For the price of time lost.

Why can't some people understand how I feel. I would really love to just hang out with my friends. Celebrate Birthdays. Chill and hang out. Study together. Play frisbee with my classmates. Bond with Friends. I would really want to. But how can I?

The pressure of some people asking me to just quit. the pressure of work getting up to me. the pressure of losing things that I dont want to. sigh.

The teams has already been chosen. Quitting at this point in time will be a real selfish decision. Yes, I may be emo over all this. Cry and tear and complain. But We'll have to look at it in a different view. well, I have to. Since I'm in this, just let me go full shot. to do my best for it.

Because I know, though there are many things up my hand, though there are many trials and challenges for me to face, I know that there are many things for me to learn. many things which can help me to grow in different ways. things to help me realise certain things. Maybe I'll continue thinking through and naming it down. but these things are essential in our lives. though we may go through all these. The outcome will be good. the growth. the lessons learnt.

Maybe i should just share further with a clearer mind. too much information of the past just went pass. but soon. I hope to share more. =)

Railway station; a SG tourist in SG

2010-04-01T00:38:00.007+08:00

as i promised. though late.

The trip to railway station was indeed kinda interesting. A new experience.

When my sis asked me to accompany her to the railway station as she needed to do some essay for her studies, what first came to my mind was.. a comfy railway in which the station is made up of logs which looks comfy like those old western style type with trees and bushes in the surrounding. Can you imagine that scene? or probably those of which made of concrete but still as comfy as.. this?

But well, it wasn't those like those I imagine to be when I got there. Maybe I'm just dreaming a little too much. say.. like those in cartoons?

this is just the outside. but dont they just seem to be like malaysia instead of Singapore? it really makes one, or rather, my sis and me, feel like tourists in Singapore. not knowing of this place.
following, will be the inside of this station which is also something we hardly see.

Get what I mean? Well, this station was actually governed by the Malaysian Government. If I'm not wrong. Which explains. But it's a real experience to drop by there for a short while.

Finally, something that I look forward to in a railway station.

The Tracks.

Sorry for the low-quality because the camera in my phone has became dusty, and I can't clear it. somehow. 'cos it's like stuck inside.
When i say "it" here, it refers to the dust.

Random stuff between 22nd - 28th April

2010-03-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

just some stuff random stuff this week:
-My neck got stiff in the middle of the day on thursday due to i have no idea what reason
-Wasted my whole saturday
-Delighted with undeserved results
-Followed Elder sis to the Railway Station today, Sunday

Finally, My neck is healing slowly. I honestly have no idea why it came so randomly.
Thursday, because the lecturers have some conference, we, the whole wss team present,decided to leave early for once. A chance we can never grasp. haha. Well, on the way home, though i thought of going home to sleep, I feel like going for waffle of something. So as I was Walking home, I saw Joshua Yeo, one of my good friends, and went to the bubbletea shop since he doesn't want to go home either. and ended up spending quite some time just sitting and talking. and from there, i got my stiff neck. disabling me from turning my head to the right properly.

going back slightly in time, My results. as mentioned previously, were really beyond my expectations. and Today, Really, Joshua Chee reminded me of the word "GRACE".
What exactly is this grace that we talk about. That will refer to the blessings that we do not deserve. Honestly, saying once more, I didnt expect myself to get these type of grades. From a "B" or a "C" to be transformed into "A"s, it's truly amazing. So I really want to Thank God for these grades which Honestly, I didnt work hard to get at all. NEVER did I work that hard for it. and I felt that i'm like slack? working hard only in school. maybe for show? and not doing anything when i get home. I felt that.. the other class will do better. I'll lose this stand in director's list. But again I say. THANKS BE TO THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. He enabled this miracle to happen.

for the next point that i'm going to make, about wasting my time. I've been on the com watching anime the whole day. Guess i'm going to start limiting myself to max of 5 episodes cos that day itself.. I watched like.. 20+ near 30 episodes? approximately 20 mins per episode. so that makes it.. 400 mins to 600 mins? though i wanted to do some stuff like cleaning my house, doing some meaningful stuff, I ended up only washing my bedsheet and sunning my bed. yea. There are loads of meaningful stuff which I've intended to do, but just dont find myself doing. and that will be to clean the house, my room, pack up all the mess around. Read a book, do some crafts.. and go out for sports? oh and yes, Research. Though not much is actually starting out, let's just say.. it's in progress.

lastly, i'll talk more about it with pictures in the next post, which may be tmr. as for now, It's just back to my slightly new bed once again =)

Improvement in WSS.

2010-03-28T22:52:00.003+08:00

Things in school have been getting better? In the sense that we, the Juniors in WSS training have started talking and joking with the seniors. And starting to work together as a team.

All I need now is to work my mindset. To want to really enjoy this! To want to really put my heart into it! and To have a hunger to win! despite the amount of effort and time I have to invest into it. It's down to the 8 of us! exactly 4 teams! well, 1 team to be reserved. Which ofcourse, no one will wish to be in. Hence, let's all give it our best!

Even at the end of the day, even if I do not make it into World Competition, do not get the top in Singapore, of merely the top 3 in Singapore, or dont even make it into the qualifying round or EVEN just into the main team to compete. I want to come out saying that I've learnt alot from all these. I want to say that I've grown in these process!

Though I really do wish for the opposite of all that to happen. TO FIGHT ALL THE WAY TO THE END AND COMPETE WITH THE 28 OTHER COUNTRIES!

2010-03-23T11:49:00.001+08:00

YESSAH! THANK YOU LORD!

I really didnt expect to see my results being that high. and it's really by God's grace I would say.

from 3.792 increased to 3.844.
i calculated just for this sem, and managed to get 3.89!

2010-03-23T01:00:00.003+08:00

finally! getting some rest!

Decided on skipping training for my precious rest. am not able to take it already. and at this rate, i dont think the stuff for wednesday's track and field annual meeting will be prepared on time, and also some others which i'll need to do.

so by skipping training, i'll have enough time to catch up on my rest, on the preparation, and for my muscles to repair.

Results in a few hours time!

2010-03-22T21:46:00.002+08:00

wee~
I'm so HAPPY results will be out tomorrow.
and i'm so NOT worried about it at all.

ah well. You can tell I'm lying. Honestly, I'm real worried for this sem's results though many times I tell myself there's nothing i can do at all and that I leave it all in God's hands. This sem is kinda bad for me. falling. Just hoping and praying to maintain at 3.2 and above? but I'm predicting I'll get between 3.0 to 3.5.. or maybe.. worse? I dont know.

But happens, If I manage to get just above 3.5, I'll treat you, who is reading, a drink. but of course, we'll need to look at the results. and it's only valid for a day! which means by tmr.
How to participate? just tag and leave your comments.

I wonder how I can still be joking here. and be slightly moody cos of being tired and slightly worn out from the past days?

Anyway, whatever the results, I would say it's by God grace. And I'll continue thanking Him for it.

Am real tired and slightly worn out. Oh wait, I just said that a moment ago.From the past days.. with only between 4-6 hours of sleep? With additional lactic and tired-nesss from training.
Now I really understand people who are real busy with work and only get 3-6 hours of sleep? It's bad enough. Like right now, I'm feeling damn sian. and still have stuff to do later on. :/ with stuff to think of as well. :/

well oh well. back to work.

But before I go, All the best to those getting results tmr!

2010-03-22T00:58:00.002+08:00

pardon me for being so word-y.

still trying to till this blog with story using pictures. i mean life story. like say... the genting trip?

oh and also, please do be patient with the.. links. and also i'm trying to add the archives in. haha.

talking about archives, it really brings back alot of memories like how i used to blog in the past. Say for example, camps. They're always a long long story with alot of detail filled.
and also how the writings, or rather typings are done. man. dont you just miss those times when you were younger?

more innocent and not needing to care much about the world?

what about the friends around and the other half?

2010-03-21T22:09:00.007+08:00

The past couple of weeks have been real mundane, the same routine.
Back to school 6 days out of 7.
and from mon to fri, it's 9am to approximately 9pm
where 9 am to 5 pm is to be facing the computer and the assembling stations.
and 5pm to around 9pm is for track training, given that though for throwers, it's real flexible for our training schedule,

I would say, I'm desperate to see a change! an improvement!
only obstacle for me now is time and laziness, aka wanting time just for myself to rest

though I've been sleeping at 2-3 am and maybe slightly later working on the 2 events which I'm currently heading, I thank God that I'm not falling sick yet, since I dont have enough water intake too. and also that I can survive through the day.
I really thank God for it.

the time now.. is sacrificed to make time to just share this life that I'm going through.
Though yes, it's not as crazy as certain people of which i've heard worse of.
and really, thinking about it, It's rather fine, given that it's not that "xiong" in terms of taking up your energy and giving you a lactic.

that's something i really miss though. in secondary school where trainings were crazy though not as often. call me sadistic if you must, but seriously, i would want to be in that state again, because i feel it's a proof of real effort made in training. and of course, i mean beside all the muscle aches after trainings which feels good.

furthermore, the mon and tues 2 weeks ago, was D'camp where CCA leaders come together for this camp. though I would say it's fun to a certain extend, and not to another extend.
Why fun would be because of the effort put in by the committee, which I really appreciate and understand since I've been through it, and also because of the chance to meet new people and friends. not fun would be because i dislike not sleeping for camps. I cant survive, or rather, I'm not willing to. Because I've tried and the furthest through the night that i've managed to survive it untill 6-7 am. and afterthat, I'll be asleep most of the time. especially after much energy is drained from the games.

To add on to all these, I managed to sleep on the first saturday, a good one, and also managed to find time to use the com, and have a social life. For example, going to cell on Fridays for fellowship, going for my sister's dance concert last friday, IT show last saturday and out for more fellowship like lunch and walking around orchard, accompanied by Drink as Borders Bistro after church today.

So honestly, though I complain about the long hours (because of the interest for WSS trainings that isn't very strong in the current time up till now, which is caused by the knowing of new people and not communicating as much since we face the computer and assembly more, and also that more time is burnt in something not assured), I'm feeling happy because of the ability to cope with it, and also have the sufficient time to bond, relax with friends around in school and out of school.
___________________________________________

With these amount of commitments that I'm currently having, it's probably a reason why i dont have a life partner too. The other half.

That's a con about being so busy. I agree with a saying from my secondary school teacher.
"Being a leader, there are times where you'll feel lonely"

Leaving the part on having a life partner to later on, we'll start by looking at friends alone.

"Though we may be lacking of or feel a lack of something in our life, it is always filled up by something else. to make a balance. something which others might want to have though there's something like them that you want to have. So be glad and treasure what we have for it is not something that everyone has the fortune to get." was something I told 'bro' (you know who you are), when I was scanning through her blog.

Reason for me saying that is because I really envy the close friends she has around her, which I find absent in my life. hey bro, though you may experience a little problem in your family, everyone has problems in their family, and currently, I'm experiencing one too. probably major one. Yours is regarding love, and mine, will be more to the relationship between a few people against another, mixed feelings here and there, confusion, and also certain problems which have just turned major and ought to remain disclosed. So I say once again, cherish whoever and whatever you have around you because there are people who suffers worse than you and would rather have the life you're having now.

After saying so much, my drive is still to being envious of how people have such good friends around them to share problems and to get angry with, to have suprises be unto them, to have gatherings so very often, or simply to just chat at the end of everyday. Physical beings, i'm referring to at this point in time, and not including spiritual beings.

At times, I really wonder where they've disappeared to. and I know at certain times, I dont cherish them and don't cherish them as much? Like how I wish i have better best friends who dont irritate me? haha. but well, that's what best friends are to be! though irritating at times, but knows you inside out. but now, my once good friends have disappeared into "i have no idea where", being busy with school, etc. Even all contact is lost.

When I'm down at times, yearning for someone to hear me out, knowing that everyone needs a hand and a listening ear, to share our problems etc, I will take my phone out.
And Everytime I do that, open the "new message" page, I just can't think of whom I can turn to when i just want to share something.

Yes. I do have many friends but to which can I just talk things out with? Yes again, you may all say 'you can turn to me.' But well, certain stuff are just too private that it is hard to open the mouth, and it always turn to.. it's okay. it's nothing. Hence, of course I wont go about it most of the time. And also, some of you are already busy enough? or busy with your life partner that I dont want to be snatching away that relationship part be it guy or lady. lol. this part is abit random.
Anyway, by normal instincts, the person you're kinda close with and msg recently will normally be the first person that comes to your mind. So maybe I'll still say a little. but no, I wont put everything in, probably mere small complain which lasts for a short while. So normally, things would be just kept in me.

Ah well, I'm still able to survive and cope. Just down at times, and envious of people having friends whom they can have so much fun with while mine is rather limited.
But more importantly, It's simply how we look at it. At which view.

This may be a problem that i face and get emo over. However, I dont get really down that badly.
Thankfully. I'm still able to cope likewise. Seeing my friends being happy and so, somehow just cheers me up as well. Adding on the the joy given in my heart, I'm fine with it all though I'm trying to complain and show that I'm envious of looking at people having good friends and wondering what happened to mine.

Heck, I dont know why I'm saying so much now, not wanting to boast much of anything.
What I can think of is probably.. trying to get attention? I wont deny that I'm not looking for any, since I know myself that I do try to get some at times. Nothing to hide.
But well, as mentioned in the scripture, if there's anything you should boast of, boast of your weaknesses. Can't Remember that verse. and kinda lazy to find now. :S
Anyway, All in all, I'm still joyful to know that I have friends who will support me though they may not be as close as i expect or wish for them to be. Because that's more than enough. =)

For now, on the account of having another half or simply putting as life's partner.
Given my busy schedule, and commitments, It explains. I really miss having a second half whom I can pour out to. haha. well. not really, in the past, even with the second half, I didnt pour out much. In the mentality of not wanting any others to get affected by what I'm facing.

Probably that's just me. Wanting others to be happy all the time, and not thinking alot of myself. Of course there are times when I'm self-centered and just want everything to and for myself.

A saying that hit me "You can't satisfy others all the time". There are times when we have to make decisions which hurt others for a better result overall.

ONCE AGAIN, after so much crap,
more reason why I'm not aiming for another half right now is because I dont feel prepared in character. I doubt I have the ability to give one the happiness that will last, and I'm afraid that history will repeat itself where I dont make much decisions and be firm on where I stand.

Currently, there are still many things for me to learn and look to.
________________________________________

Oh well. I guess i should stop here. My thoughts are running all around and disappearing on the way. You get my story. Hope that it's not too fierce or pulls too many heart-strings or give any bad impression of me. haha.

well, congratulations for reading on so much on this word-y page. haha.

2010-03-20T01:15:00.004+08:00

A good man will sacrifice his life to save a good man. Or better. Someone worth sacrificing his life for. Or maybe simply, the ones close to him to whom he loves. Never will one take his life away for someone unworthy.

But there is this one person. Despite being hated and despised, he continued to love the people around him. Be it close to him or not. friend or foe. love or hated. worthy or unworthy. He chose to sacrifice his life for them all. For a chance. A chance of salvation, and a chance of fellowship and close relationship with the one who have been there even before the world began.

to whom will you give your life to and for?

2010-03-10T22:32:00.002+08:00

As much as enjoyment is starting to get into me, Stress is too.

I just remembered I forgot to include something in the previous post about discipline which is to try and learn to cook healthy meals for myself. But seems like, most of the issues and plans which I'm thinking of, isn't going to come true at the point/stage where I'm standing right now.

Here's my plans and schedule for these upcoming holidays.
For everyweek except the last of these holidays, on weekdays, I'll have to be in sch for WSS training from 9 to 5, and track trainings from 5 to.. 8 plus 9? Moreover, there are more trainings I wanna do so that I can reach the minimum standard and level which coach ah long and me aims and expect to reach.
In addition, to all these time being eaten up, I have a couple of events to plan. And I'll need to find the time to fork out. to squeeze and even sacrifice here and there.

Hence, all I wanna do these holidays, the major plans to cycle, meet up with friends for meals and chat, read books, and clean the house.. I dont know where I can find the time to. Really.
Even by doing this, I already think I'm sacrificing enough time.

Oh Lord, help me. Give me the strength to carry on and persevere through this. For we know that through perseverance, comes the growing of character. Help me Lord, to trust and commit all of these into your hands. Help me, guide me through, and give me your wisdom to make the right decisions. Give me the knowledge to know what I'm spposed to do, how I'm supposed to plan. and more importantly, give me the peace of mind while getting through all these.

As Someone once said, though I cant rmb who that person is, I remember Him/her mentioning this:
The busier you are, the more you should spend time with God.

So Lord, help me make more time to spend with you. and Help me to grow through this process. As you know, there are times where I feel that I'm not good enough. not mature enough. help me to build that character.

"discipline" + changes and reality + conviction and challenge

2010-03-07T22:41:00.006+08:00

Discipline.

the word that speaks to me alot for this past week.

The discipline to get my organiser planned properly for this holidays knowing that I'll be rather busy. To read more books and try my aluminium craft. To focus more on the Word. To clean the house.

All in All, to want to make a change to be more disciplined in life!

talking about change. Somehow, I find myself constantly changing in minute ways, and probably living a little differently. From playing more games, to a reduced game intake into my brain, and more of a desire to want to read the news and know more about what's going on around me. Which, I dont seem to care that much from before. The desire also to read more books, and to be more focused on feeding on the Word.

I'm really praying for this discipline to change my life. The way I live. For the better. To be more Christ-like.

========================================

Certain unfortunate events have occurred as part of these happening weeks.
My grandma fell and broke her left leg i think. something near this, and the family, meaning my Dad, and his other siblings had to gather to discuss about her op.
Secondly, one of my dad's good friend, has a brain cancer. Heard about the worse case scenerio coming for him. Leaving his 3 children behind, without parents, and only to live with their grandmother.
Following, my mom's vision ain't going well, narrowing alot, and her job is also affected. With a high chance of being kicked off that job. And to add on, family insides aint going well too.
In addition to all those, upon getting the marks for Comm skills, I thought I had a chance of doing well for it. but ah well, managed only to get a B. I would say that this sem wouldnt be good at all.

But I know God has his plans.

Visited my grandma in the hospital only ytd as I was away in genting till the night before ytd.
Looking at how much she wants to leave the hospital.. sigh. the helplessness. Besides, my teochew aint that fantastic either, so speaking would be a lil' problematic, and hence, I decided to keep quiet and just smile?

Following, due to my grandma's condition and worry for her, my smallest aunt from my dad's side came back from melbourne. And so did my cousin and active, playful Japanese nephew, from Japan. Can see the unwillingness to leave in them. :/
Got lectured by my smallest aunt too. As she was mentioning how independent my cousins have grown, to go lawn the mow for neighbours, take turns to clean the house, learn how to check the air pressure of a car tyre, etc.. as usual, my dad will start talking about us. Later, she moved on to how pampered children brought up in singapore are.

Well thing is, I wanted to start during this hols! given my free time, when i dont have any wss training at all, which takes up the whole day. But obviously, doing it all by myself? Both my sisters are busy too, and well, I'm quite puzzled about someone just being out the whole day, and sleeps at night, sometimes out for certain reasons not to work. It's basically unfair.

And I made up my mind in my heart, that I'm going to make sure I'm going to prove myself to be changed! and to be better!

Just how harsh and scary can reality be. How changes, be it good or bad, can become a fear. Unexpected changes. Friends whom I've known to be good, turning and walking towards or maybe even on the wrong path. How people's mind work. Not knowing what they are thinking. One moment, they can befriend you, and next moment go against you. Something I'm rather afraid off. That something said or done, can just turn the whole world against you.

But that's just how the world works. The world we live in. We need to accept this fact and take the risk. Because you never know what can/will happen. Thing beyong what you imagine to be. Like you think it'd be bad, but it actually turns out well. And vice versa. In life, we can never be cavemen or cavewomen and stay where we are, hoping that nothing will change. Because that way, we will never grow to be strong enough to accept what's going on around us. The world is constantly changing.

Though the world will change, and leave us, the Lord will never change, leave us, nor forsake us.
He is always the same, yesterday, today and forevermore. Though we may fear, I know the Lord, our almighty comforter will be here for us, helping us along the way, when things dont seem to turn out right.

========================================

After church today, was a wonderful meal with Joel boh, and sis Milicent aka Mel as we planned to merely have fish soup, and cai fan for Joel. While walking, the amazing testimony of Li Nan Xing's life was shared. Even after settling down and ordering our individual food, the story have not ended. I sat amazed I listen about how he struggled in the past, and how amazingly God worked. Being in debts and addiction, God worked all these through for him. Following were the live stories and sharing of certain incidents about a fellow friend, and also things about our lives that applied to or we could say related or similar to the kind of experiences he is having.

How young people around my age look at the world, and how people slightly older look at the world. To us. Our world, is all that's around us. Our relationships, our studies, our sports. To them who are more experienced, older and matured, it's more than what we know. Correct me Joe Boh, if I'm wrong.

Then on to what it really means to be convicted. We as christians. Are we living the lives as true convicted christians who are willing to lay our lives down to spread the word?
Don't speak too soon. We may say yes. But if a gun were to be pointed at your head right now. Would you continue to say that the Jesus is the only Truth, and that it's the only way to salvation? or would you deny because you want to live. Are you willing to die and be persecuted the way the 12 disciples were? for example, Simon Peter, to be hung on the cross, with his head downwards, the way he wanted to suffer, unlike Jesus did. Or maybe, imagine yourself to be part of the movement in africa, and being persecuted, and seeing your friends being persecuted daily for the sake of Christ Jesus the messiah. I would honestly say I'm not convicted yet. I'm afraid to die. and am not willing as of now.

To be convicted, We need to have a solid foundation of the word of God. To understand the truths and meaning behind the whole bible. to really know what it means. To spread the Word that Jesus is the saviour! To really believe with our whole heart, soul and mind that Jesus is all we're living for and all we're worth dying for! To really give up everything you have for him.

Like the story of the the pearl buried in a useless piece of land. are you willing to sell everything you have, you shelter, your food, your everything. Just for that pearl.

Are you willing.

========================================

While we were just sitting there talking at a moment, this guy, with some speaking disability and some problem with the hand with a machine attached to it. Mel, what to you call it again? Just looking at him, man, the heart tears. Wanted to do something, but truely as Joe said, we have diff spending abilities as we grow older. No notes in my wallet though i wanted to do something.

And as mel has pointed out, and i totally agree with it. All those people whom we look at, do we look at them with compassion, and in God's view?

process of exams + encouragement

2010-03-07T15:19:00.010+08:00

many things has happened through these past 2 weeks or maybe 3.
so, pardon me for going length-y and word-y, and also if it doesn't seem interesting to you at all.

========================================

"Oh Lord, Help us as we seek you for help. Guide us as we go through this period of trials. Comfort us when we start feeling down, anxious and worried."

"Lord I put my trust in you, and commit my paper into your hands"

These are phrases used to comfort and get me through the period of exams, where Electrical Principles and Circuits(EPC) is the toughest, and complacency too over for the last paper, Analogue and Digital Electronics(ADE).

I know I've somewhat done badly, in my expectation, for the Computer Programming(CP) projects assignment and presentation, and have aimed to score better not only for EPC knowing that it's really tough, but also for Math and ADE which is something I can score in.
However, things somehow dont seem to turn out as it is.

In Math, I know I had made a whole lot of careless mistakes which I managed to clear when checking. but there's this particular question which i've spent the most time on, trying to figure out where I went wrong, which has caused me a few marks. only to find out I got tricked at the very very last minute. or even less than a minute.
EPC, the second paper caused me quite abit because of the speed of which I do the paper, and also because of a compulsory question in which I got my answers totally wrong. I mean, my resistances were high beyond what my classmates got. if i look on the other hand, i'm right and they got it wrong, which i doubt would be. in addition, i'm not sure if i answered one MCQ question or not, knowing that even the MCQ questions are tough. Reason being is because normally, i'd mark out the answer on my question paper. But for that particular one, i didnt mark it out.

Oh well, I told myself, it's all over. Even by worrying, there's no chance that the paper or answer could be changed. I can only commit the papers into the Lord's hands and not worry so much about it. no benefits for me.
Besides, I dont feel that I've put in 100% effort into preparing for the paper. So, I dont deserve it, even if I want the grades badly to maintain my GPA. I'm feeling okay with it. No hard feelings. accepting it.

The last paper, started studying for it real late, and got real worried because of my complacency that the paper is going to be easy. And hence, I started in the evening of the day before the paper, which is in the morning. Looking at all the past year papers, there are stuff which I really do not understand at all. But, I managed to get past the paper easily. Hoping to score a distinction for that.
And through this process, I've learnt something more about myself. I REALLY CANNOT study with friends around unless it's real focused friends without the use of music. I honestly cant study with music on. and for that whole 2-3 hours, i've touched less than 6 pages of minor notes.
So, in future, to study with my classmates, would mean to knowmy stuff well first, before going over to help them.

A piece of Good news came by as I was asking one of my tutors regarding the last paper some questions which I do not really understand, and somehow, it linked to telling me that I did quite well for my EPC. I mean, i dont expect much, but the sound of quite well, sounds good. I tried to probe further, and managed to find out the score for the top in class, and we all can guess who got the top. no doubt there's only one candidate in our class. as usual, that tutor, being rather.. biased somehow, favouring foreign students, said i did quite well, FOR A LOCAL STUDENT.
contented. though unsatisfied somehow.

Through this process of studying, the daily bread, brought me to "In the Car Wash", a story of the author's first experience in an automatic car wash, and "Tell It All", a story of a clerk who talked about everything that happened in the day, into a voice recorder, then deletes it off.

February 17, Wednesday -In The Car Wash
".. Powers beyond my control began moving my car forward as if on a conveyor belt. There I was, cocooned inside. When a thunderous rush of water, soap and brushes hit my car from all directions. What if I get stuck in here or water crashes in? I thought irrationally. Suddenly the waters ceased. After a blowdry, my car was propelled into the outside world again, clean and polished.
In the midst of all this, I remembered stormy times in my life when it seemed I was on a conveyor belt, a victim of forces beyond my control. "Car Wash Experiences," I now call them. I remembered that whenever I passed through deep waters, my Redeemer had been with me, sheltering me against the rising tide (Isa. 43:2). When I came out on the other side , which I always did, I was able to say with joy and confidence, 'He is a faithful God!' ..."

February 18, Thursday -Tell It All
" A clerk who helped me purchase a small digital voice recorder told me that he kept one just like it in his car when he worked in California. 'When I began driving home after work I switched it on,' he said, 'and I talked about everything that happened that day on the job, good and bad. When I pulled into my driveway, I hit the erase button.' Then he smiled. After telling everything to his voice recorder, he apparently had no need to go over the day's problems with his wife or family.
It reminded me of how often I needlessly rehearse my disappointments and problems instead of telling them to God. The psalmist wrote: 'Trust in Him at all times you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us" (Ps. 62:8). Twice he spoke of waiting silently for God, his rock and salvation. (v1-2,5-7)
While there is a great comfort in sharing our difficulties witha friend, we miss the greatest help if we fail to bring them to the Lord. ..."

Indeed, as we get through that period of trial, which are forces beyond our control, God, as the car, protected and sheltered us, from all that's around, and helped us to emerge into the outside world and back into reality, where we will be clean and safe from harm. Also, despite all these trials, we have missed the fact that God is always there to listen to our troubles. We neglected him, forgetting that He's always there to bear our sins for us (Matt 11:28).

As Joseph Scriven has said, and which have been portrayed in the song "What a friend we have in Jesus" (link to hymn: "http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh526.sht") :

What a friend we have in Jesus,

All our sins and griefs to bear!

What a priviledge to carry

Everything to God in Prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear,

All because we do not carry

Everything to God in prayer!

========================================

Lord, You are always here with me

When troubles come I trust in you

For I know you will lead me through

And I know you are faithful till the end

And when the storms are drawing near

When I'm with you I dont have to fear

You're my shepherd on whom I can depend

Through the day through the night

I know you're always by my side

Lord you are always here with me

There is no changing God in thee

You are the same yesterday and today and forevermore

Here on your promises I stand

You hold my future in your hand

My solid rock, Almighty God

I worship you

I Stand Amazed

- Chris Tomlin

I stand amazed in the presence

Of Jesus the Nazarene

And wonder how He could Love

A sinner, condemn, unclean

Singing

O how marvelous, O how wonderful

And my song shall ever be

O how marvelous, O how wonderful

Is my Savior's love for me

He took my sins and my sorrows

He made them his very own

And bore the burden to calvary

And suffered and died alone

When with the ransomed in glory

His face I at last shall see

'Twill be my joy through the ages

to sing of His love for me

The River

-Brian Doerksen

To the river I am going

Bringing sins I cannot bear

Come and cleanse me

Come forgive me

Lord I need to meet you there

In these waters,

Healing mercies flows with freedom from despair

I am going to that river

Lord I need to meet you there

Precious Jesus,

I am ready to surrender every care

Take my hand now, lead me closer

Lord I need to meet you there

Come and join us, in the river

Come find life beyond compare

He is calling, He is waiting

Jesus longs to meet you there

The following Sunday, these 3 songs played, spoke to me.

Because of the exam period, for us all being in worry and anxiety, "Lord You are always here with me" just speaks of a never changing God who's always, undoubtly there with and for us when we're facing troubles like what we're going through in our daily lives, and for that period of time, the exams.

"I stand Amazed" then speaks of his Love for us, when he carried all our burdens, despite the fact that the world hated Him, and us being sinners, hurting Him time and time again, and yet, He died willingly for all of us. In this context, the exam period, most of us, probably would have forgotten Him, and only seek him in our troubled times. But yet, He still loved us, and continue to carry our burdens.

As sinful as we are, as far away as we are from him. He is always waiting for us to get closer to him, To make an appointment with Him. And normally, because of all our sins, and shames, We're afraid to go meet him. But this song "The River" tells us to seek him for forgiveness and to cleanse our sins in the river filled with mercies and freedom. To meet Him there at the River, somehow, it's hard to explain, but as the Last line mentions, "Jesus longs to meet you there".

========================================

At a certain point, few days before the first paper, I went out around my neighbourhood in the night with Donald, one of my good friends from kindergarten and primary school, to just relax and talk nonsense. It then come to a point where we started talking about christianity, certain issues here and there. topics which.. err.. i dont recall that clearly. But I really want to Thank God for him in the sense that he reminded me of certain stuff which I somewhat forgot. Like when we were young, my church used to have kids events and stuff. And I would try to ask my friends to come and join in the fun, etc. And the topic then led to planting seeds, and of which some are sown. One example is Leonard and Him? Good friends in kindergarten, though now not that close to Leo as before =/ I vividly recally inviting Suan Hin, Donald, and Alvin Khoo to these events. Cant remember about Leo though. I dont think I did. and also, at the end of P6, I tried getting Pupeng too. Well some seeds weren't sown like.. SH and Alvin, but others like Don, and Peng did. Though Peng didnt come at all, at the end of the day, right now, she's in a catholic church, and Don's in NCC. All these are encouragements as I look back, and thinking at this stage of my life that I'm not those sort who brings people in. Which somehow, somewhat, is false? Even though small seeds planted into people's life, will one day grow to become a tall, gigantic tree, strong and firm.

It's encouraging to know of the seeds that were sown. and other seeds will someday grow out and be sown.

2010-02-16T12:15:00.005+08:00

being lagged in quiet time for a long period of time, i started talking to God once again, though inconsistently, and also with the use of "Daily Bread".

In the case of lagging, I started once again with where i last ended.
February 11, Thursday - The Other Side
James 4:13
This page spoke to me this morning, as I woke up, wanting and planning to start studying for the upcoming exams, and to aim for distinctions and 'A's for those which have not been marked totally, with the thought in mind that certain modules were done rather badly.

For example, Computer Programming, which is alot on practical work, and I did real badly for it. In the sense that I know I did not put much effort into it, and even if I did, it was really last minute. The morning before submission at 1, I rushed to school early to try and solve it. But alas, it didnt work well until the end. The last minute was really a goner when the hardwork all turned out to be of waste, and my partner decided to just use the one which a classmate taught him of this project, and also for practise. So thing is that this project was mainly that group's First rough plans. And we didnt know how to explain most of it though it worked to a certain extend, and the worse part of it is that it looked almost like the other groups'. 95% I will say, with alot of errors not corrected. By the end of that day and submission, my mind was in a total mess, sorrow, regret, and apologetics. Lost for the whole of that day.

Despite all that aims and getting to the point, I wanted to start this day, a fresh day (probably including the macs breakfast my dad bought, which i seldom get). Once again I say, this page spoke to me, about the plans we make.

Quote:
" We certainly don't know what the ext year - or hour - will bring. In his epistle, James wrote about this uncertainty. He rebuked the greedy merchants for boasting about what they would do that day, the next day, or even the next year. Their sin wasn't that they were making plans; it was forgetting God and arrogantly boasting about those business plans.
James reminded them: 'What is your life? It is even a vapour that appears for a little time and then vanishes away'(v. 14). Commentator Peter David says that James was pointing out their foolishness and saying, in essence, 'Come now, you who make plans - you don't even understand how little control you have over life itself.'
No part of life is outside the control of God. So when we make plans, we need to remember, 'If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that'(v.15)."

Following, at the end of the page,
"Write your plans in pencil and let God have the eraser."

How amazingly has it been spoken. Indeed though we have plans, we must also seek God for advise and allow him to make the final decisions because it's him who controls our lives and not us. Also spoken in Jeremiah 29:11. "'For I know the plans I have for you.' Declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
and in Proverbs 16:1 "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue. All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."

That is something that have slipped my mind. Like those greedy merchants, I made the plans and have forgotten about God being in those plans. Forgetting about how much control I have over this life.
Some may think, 'No, we control our lives'. But as to whether it's straight or not, I believe He controls it to lead our paths straight. The decisions and plans we make can falter and go wrong, but unknowingly, he has backup plans for us, and makes them all succeed.

The Lord can give, but the Lord can also take.

Verse of the day from verse-a-day.com on february 12:

"Do not fear, Only believe" - Mark 5:36
_____________________________________

The above story of the project is one of the low-light of the past hectic week, together with assignments to hand in, and practical test.

Theory test was actually cancelled on wednesday, which was then posted to the next day, which was rather sudden for us. ORIGINALLY CANCELLED.

But i would say it's rather fine as Ms poon went through some of the questions on the way. It's like an extra make-up lesson to help us prepare for the upcoming paper. Hence the reason why we have to get up early and go to sch on wednesday and thursday, and more to come, though it's already the study break.

However, the reason for being in school on friday is not because of studies, but more to taking a CPR course. Interesting I would say. Learning a helpful skill which could help save people.

A wonderful friday evening as well. Out together with wendy and val for a 3-in-1 reunion,bro-sis outing and.. er.. valentine's day celebration? is that it? haha. forgot that part of the name. =S oh wait. I remembered. MY belated birthday celebration -.- Thanks for the gift in general - dinner + time spent. =)

That brings us to the end of the week, to CNY! a Reunion dinner at 3rd uncle's beautiful place. Indescribable in words, but have no photos except the back garden and coka(not sure if spelt correctly or not), the parrot.

I'm also amazed at how coka eats her favourite food, the corn. She plucks it out neatly one by one, cut it open into half, and eats only the flesh of it.

Back to the point, Chinese New Year doesn't really seem like one for this year.

I remember, the past years will have CNY songs played on chinese radio channels, but i dont seem to hear it at all, except for 97.2FM, which is also rather limited.

Another reason would be because I've not go get any new clothes for new year, and hence, limited new year songs played in my mind. Because of upcoming exams.

However, this one is special, interesting and fun. In the sense that my family celebrate it. A ride in the Flyer, viewing Singapore and looking at the surrounding buildings and islands. Would call it fun and interesting, but due to being tired, the excitement in the flyer didnt last for long. And after which was the trip to starbucks as a family, again, something which has never been done before. Thus, the starting sentence. Special.

the 18th

2010-02-07T23:02:00.000+08:00

it started off well with a positive feeling.
Elder sis wished.
Dad shook my hand to wish me.
and hugged by mum with a wish.
or rather, greeting.

Not forgetting, all the messages and facebook notices.

it then became duller. i know some good friends forgot about it. expected more. only to find more when i came home, BUT SOME good friends aren't even in the list. i wonder.

it came to point, when i'm just sitting alone. enjoying God's presence and company. wonderful.
renewing my strength, and seeking for peace. seeking the Lord for the strength to carry on, and to help with my heavy burdens.
during praise and worship, the song "to the river" touched me. or was it "the river". well, It's a good and meaningful song.
i'll try to find it and post it up here to share.

well, after church would seem better. a catch up with jesse who i've not contacted in years, came back to SG. and with mentor Justin. and.. a few birthday greetings. then a rush off to Yishun to discuss and do project.

till then. i was still fine. and good to go.

and yes! i managed to figure more about the project. and accomplish more! =) got more to go though. almost went crazy doing that. it's tmr!

back for dinner was rather fine till my fatigue for the week came on once again, plus the uncomfortability in the nose, just started affected my mood. sounds like a mood swing -.-

i got irritated easily. like the attitude of certain people. since this is a public post, i wont state it out. hopefully i remember it.

but it caused this meal to be a very rushy one since my elder sis has to go for dance and cant eat much. so this is one factor.

after which will be the trip to NTUC. thinking back, i dont know why i got irritated. cos i'm tired and my minds needs a break from all the thinking? i think so. well, the proof of me still blogging at this point in time, is a proof. though yes, CRAP! i need to do my project. sigh.

give me the strength to live through this week. give me the strength to live the everyday, in the morning when i wake. and help me to thank and praise you for what you've done. oh Thank You Father.

18th birthday eve

2010-02-06T20:21:00.005+08:00

this week have been hetic. and just when i thought it was over, it all starts again.

for the previous week,
-supposedly mathematica assignment
-french written test
-supposedly EPC practical
-Comm skills oral presentation
-computer programming common test

i would say what took the most time was for Comm skills OP. and the most out of my moral is french where i dont think i did well, OP again 'cause i overshot timing, shivering voice could be heard. and lastly, common test which i didnt think i did well.

and here's what's coming:
-project submission on mon
-mathematica assignment
-EPC PAGES of tutorial
-EPC practical test
-EPC theory test

all these are freakin burnin' my weekend away!
just when i want to celebrate my birthday.
why must it be such a busy weekend where i dont seem to have enough time to celebrate or even to finish up my work. why must my birthday always be in a busy week like during exams, etc.

i guess i'll be spending the special 18th, the no life way. WHY.
i think, without reminding my dad. even he forgotten about it. he's son's. i've not told him yet.
i thought. saturday. plans would come up to celebrate and enjoy. whole day spent doing work and being a no-life. besides going out with (dy aka bro) to study and for bubbletea.

i WAS okay. but now, thinking about it. No, i'm not. kinda depressed honestly. to think about how my birthday would be spent.
I dont know what would come of tomorrow. but right now, all i'm feeling and sensing is that, tomorrow would be a sunday as usual. i wont get to enjoy my birthday.

i have no idea. but that's what i'm feeling now. i could be wrong.
but i'm really wishing and expecting something to happen. like how i did for today. knowing that tomorrow is a sunday. and expecting more fun to come in today.

i even thought of the 21st. whether it would be like this 18th. even thought of putting "will 21 = 18?" on my msn when i'm 21.

it's not the start of my birthday yet! is the only positive thing in my mind right now. besides wishing and hoping that i'm wrong and hoping that things will turn out good instead.

however, i received my first wishing from 4love'08's mummy. =) thanks. i'm hoping it would come true.

now back to project and going back to become a no life.. and trying to hopefully finish it by tonight which i dont know whether it's possible since it's not a project as easy as you think it is.

2010-01-25T21:22:00.001+08:00

verse of the day:

exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

2010-01-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

from the previous post, yes there's alot which i want to mention about. But, recently I've been busy, due to too much rest and slack, so work have piled up real bad.

anyway, i shall summarise a few main points,

CONGRATULATIONS!!
TO THE 3 COUSINS THAT HAVE JUST GOTTEN MARRIED! (whether you see this or not)

and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE WHOM I DID AND DIDN'T WISH FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS!

now, yes i'm feeling really stressed out. demoralised.

but there's a reason why i'm here.

yes i admit also that i've not been spending time with you. of which, i'm really sorry, though i have said that i wanted to.

also to update the links of my blog, change skin.. etc.

However, spending time with you now, Lord, is my first priority which i want to make. and then studies. Which are also real important. I want to put all my burdens into your hands, oh Father. help me to carry them off my shoulders.

Despite all these storms in this life of Jeremy's, I still want to praise you, and I thank you oh Lord for seeing me through and guiding me through.

slightly more than an hour ago, with the time on my com being 9.14pm right now, on the way home with the stress feeling my mind, my mp3 player started with the song "O praise him"

really touched my heart to just praise you, despite of all that's been happening.

2010-01-25T21:07:00.000+08:00

wanted to post this approximately a month ago [12/25/2009]. but i've been lazy:
{
-- they can be there and be your goodfriends. however, at times, you dont feel like going out with them or hanging out with them, or dont even feel like being their friends, but find nicer/cooler friends to hang out with. BUT who are you to judge and who are you to decide when you dont take a closer look at yourself. and judge from there.

-- amazing how surprisingly things can incidents can occur. acquaintances who dont talk much in the past when they see each other, start forming bonds and behave as though we've been close to each other when we just meet up once again in an unexpected event.

-- i just enjoy the outcomes of events where you get to know one better.

-- i can never taunt nights. have to sleep for at least 20-30 mins.

it's been nearly a month since i've last editted this page.

before i start the life journey of 3 weeks,

I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS. I WANNA WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART~

And

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL DECEMBER BABIES!

had my cousin's wedding 3 weeks ago, and another coming soon i guess. she was pretty. awesome wedding, and first time drinking a full glass of beer. but that's out of the point.

wishing you a blissful marriage! if you happen to see this. if not.. maybe just feel it? =)

but there's one part which is quite sad though. i mean in general, not about this marriage or the dinner. and that is, because this part of the family is big, with my dad having 13 siblings, there is the presence of age gap. i mean, the cousins, arent' that close. from youngest sec 2 to working adults? :/ somehow, i wish that the cousins would be closer together. despite that, i really enjoyed myself. with my other cousin. sitting next to me. oh yes, not forgetting, Happy Birthday ZhenLing Jie!

interestingly, met jia hao, fabian and yanwen there at the restaurant working.

that week was more to revising for exams, tips and.. not much of learning in school. could say it's quite slack. but in someway stress? and i managed to make it for youth camp, after sch from 9-12, after school except probably for wed night where i had to go training and it ended late. also, managed to stay over and up for one whole night for the first time. but by morning, i'm gone. totally. the weekend. burnt. then comes sunday where there's a birthday dinnner to celebrate my grandma's. somehow, it didnt feel as exciting? hm.. besides the fact that there were no cake, adults talks.. yea. E. Ling didnt go though. and my dad almost got me drinking beer, when i told him i have got a paper the next day.

comes the stress, a paper on monday, thursday and friday. didnt manage to finish practising. so i really hope i will do well. however, the last paper is on the contrary. honestly, i didnt study for it. and the paper was easy. i really hope there wont be any careless mistakes. seriously. in addition to all that, i started to play com after thursday's paper and played ball with my juniors in secondary sch in the morning before the paper.

}

2009-11-29T22:16:00.003+08:00

have not blogged for 2 weeks though i wanted to. and obviously, i notice no one comes here. wahahahhaa

possibilites: too boring, no pictures, story too long, known dead.

honestly, i dont really care about it. nothing much for me to waste my effort on.

been busy the week before, for presentation.. and trying to clear my work? i think. i know last minute preparations for the presentations caused alot. cant remember the other one though.

and the past week have been rather slack, in the sense that i wasn't feeling well on monday. and so, training was passed. and tuesday, i assumed it to be the recovering day, and passed another training. thurs, with lessons cancelled, supposed to go off early, but ended staying in sch for training and talking to ronnie till.. 4++.

only one word to describe the past 2 weeks. Disappointment.
for the past weekend, from friday till this point in time, i've not studied at all. and xu ye coming online to ask me questions struck me. well, they're playful in school during break, and hardworking at home. i believe quite a few of them are. whereas, for me, i think compared to them, i'm real slack. i workhard in school, and slack ALOT at home. my class would see me as hardworking. but i think, the actual fact is that i'm not really very.
thus conclusion will be that, i'm a slacker. and not that hardworking. i'm panic-ing at this point in time.

tests this week. not started anything. CT in 2 weeks. not started anything. and i wanna go for youth camp too. :/

2009-11-15T23:47:00.001+08:00

Finally. Started Clearing the piles of work. well, on module down.

thinking about it, it's easy and better to just do it earlier, and have more time revising and relaxing, rather than to relax first. well, it's still quite stressful as yet, as there are many i do not know how to answer at all.

and assignments to rush. Assignment rather.

tiring.

2009-11-12T23:50:00.004+08:00

life has been awesome the past few week. Thanks be to the Lord who has guided me.

had great fun on friday. just not much pictures taken. haha. but indeed it's real wonderful, meeting up with teachers from pri and sec sch, as well as 4love peeps. some of them. at ALUMNI DINNER! great food, great fellowship, great time. hope for more time and chances where we can spend together. =)

Saturday was MLM, million leaders mandate, a leadership course. Learnt quite abit, more to the spiritual side like how leaders pray, the life we were meant to live, and our spiritual gifts. one more important thing that i've learnt, and have wanted to do but not done till that day itself was to write a mission statement for my life. which i did. we were given time to do so. it was a really meaningful day though i've let my work pile up on me. on that night, i rethought about it and added more into it, and also added a "principles to live my life by" list, so as to really guide where i'm walking, and what is it that i'm wanting in my life. not the material things though. will post it up soon. but just not today.

sunday was a real comfortable day. i really felt a peace in my heart and mind, and it's really really comfortable. I would love to have that feeling staying in me. wanted to go home and study and do my work after church, which i didnt really manage to. and in the end, i didnt. i managed to go for a run as it didnt rain and the sun wasnt so sunny. and once again it felt good. thank God for the weather. After run, i took a cool-down stroll under my block. 2 rounds. just alone, and the presence of God. it feels real real comfortable. I notice i've been saying it feels comfortable alot. because it really does. it's real peaceful, and i'm not able to think of anything else, but the wonders of God. and the silence and the walk, keeping calm and just enjoying those moments that i have.

other of the days have been well to do. besides being able to follow bits of my mission and principles that help me as i live on, nothing much interesting till today? well, not much of what i can remember, happening, except studying, gyming and training. oh! i started my WSS training. =) theory first. hhaa. hope i wont be the group being kicked. :/

something really struck me. Because wednesday was a day where we had our semestral project, Mr lim asked mike, the class rep to do up the groups. and i got upset and kinda hurt when i saw where my name was, today, right before lesson starts. well, yesterday to be exact. the 1 or 2 names which just turns me away. and i wonder why they put me there. and i overheard nick saying something like putting us by our characters and abilities. blah. honestly i dont see anything in the group, maybe except for dc? i'm not that great either. so why am i thinking that way? selfishness took over me. i dont want to be in a group where nothing can be done, well, judging the last sem proj, and how some things occurred.

i really wonder with that heart of mine. and as i continued to think, seeking the Lord. He reminded me. It's not that bad. DC is still there. It may be a chance to improve communication with him. Farhana and Yijie. Not many in the class can communicate with them well. Honestly, they all dislike them, so.. I guess i'm there cos i can communicate somehow. though i'm also under the influence of the class. besides that, i may be able to have an opportunity to lead as well. and i can try to make a difference.

It's not my own strength that i seek, but God's. And through him, many things are possible.

Hope things will turn better. and my work can be cleared. it still is piling. :/

2009-11-01T14:36:00.004+08:00

Didnt know where to put this just now, so I figured to post another one for this.

For last week, our first French lesson, our homework was to look for a French name as it's a tradition to use French names in class instead of our names. The first name that caught my attention was Macaire. and I didnt simply look for a name as I wanted one with meaning. So in that particular site, Macaire means "blessed" and I thought "hm.. sounds good and have a nice/good meaning too".

But I wanted to confirm the meaning. so I tried to search again days later at another site, to see if the meaning was the same. and I couldn't find "Macaire". so I looked up for the meanings and got a few. but at the end of the day, i stayed with the thought of the French version of Jeremy, which is Jeremie with an accent. which means the Es have a little symbol on top.

However, this week, when French lesson came, I was thinking, can we take from the net, or must we take from our book. Many took from the book too. And so, I reconsidered. Now, cant check the meaning though, cos too little time, and I did not bring my Laptop. So Enzo was the name I picked from the book. sounds cool too. Was originated in Italy though. not really French, but it's okay.

Few minutes before blogging this story, I was searching for the meaning of Macaire once again, and found it to be the same, and also for Enzo which means "home ruler". Cant cipher what it means though. and yes, i would like macaire as my middle name since I didnt get it for my French. :/

Here's the amazing thing. In church, this came to my mind. to look up on Macaire once again. and the thought of putting these 3 names together, came. Hence, ...

Jeremy Enzo Macaire (J.E.M.)

Now i'm really loving it.

2009-11-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

Much have been going on. Like on Fri, I went for a haircut after.. 3 months? a cooling, bold, and daring cut? well anyway, had training, followed by a track "makan session" where we had a video and prize presentation to those who have broken records through IVP and.. ISG? and food, and abit of other bonding. and on Sat, which was yesterday, Sentosa with Track team so have fun and bond. Thanks seniors and those who organised whatever. Really enjoyed myself. Only thing is that I've got an uneven tan. :/

Went to help mil (pronounced as mel) for the bbq later in the night. Joel Boe and Milicent's soon to come and belated birthday party, respectively. A combined birthday BBQ. Thanks for inviting. Great time. Youngest there though. haha.

As for today, had a great time of refreshment. Thank You Lord. Indeed, today have reminded of somethings. Like how You will give me the strength to continue on with life and all that's around. Indeed, I want to soak in Your unconditional Love.

Help me to spend more time with you, seeking you, and building a closer relationship with you.

As Long As I Have You
Though I'm walking through this valley
Lord, the truth is
I know You're walking through this, too

So I press on, fearing nothing
Keep my mind on one thing
For you this is nothing new

And all along you comfort me
And a sense of peace comes over me
And You show me how to rest
And trust in You

Let the walls around me crumble
Let the wind and rain come through
'Cause I can face it all as long as I have you

Let the earth beneath me crumble
Let the enemy pursue
I can face it all as long as I have you
As long as I have you

You renew, restore me
Make my paths straight for me
Set a feast before me, too

And my cup is overflowing
Lord, You keep on showing
All that comes from knowing you

2009-10-27T23:01:00.000+08:00

have not felt this in a long long time. but once again it's back. hopefully sleeping can get rid of it.

2009-10-27T22:36:00.003+08:00

why are the days going down?

once again, i'm freakin pissed and not feeling good.

firstly will be work. i dont understand EPC! so many things not clear and we're supposed to just read through all of it being told that we've studied before. but some of the formulas and stuff are unknown! dont even remember my work before. i mean in sec sch.

and the way i'm studying, it seems to be so inefficient! i'm not getting anywhere, and i dont know how to start getting somewhere!

next. WHY?! i feel like just shouting straight back to your face that i dont care about whatever you care about. is your fs more important than your family?!f. i think things would be better if you manage things better instead of anyhow spending out there. you want to throw things out, once again you'll be wasting your money. and blaming us all for everything?! your bad luck, and your losing?

though i'm pissed and irritated on one hand, i'm those sort who's diff. i feel sorry. honestly. i just wish you would change. but at this point in time, i wish i'm grown up for a number of reasons.

2009-10-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHH!!!!

2009-10-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

irritated as i am, i really dont know what to do.

am feeling tempted to rant out here. but then again, it aint very good. so i guess i wont. :/

still have yet to read up. cannot afford to start things piling up.

2009-10-21T23:33:00.001+08:00

here comes the heavy workloads.

2009-10-19T21:57:00.003+08:00

the start of a new day, the start of school. starting was kinda ok, then i started to feel tired. fell asleep while waiting for computer programming to start after lunch. slept for quite some time i think. but it feels good for that short while. really.

Went out with Rachel, supposedly Gabriel too, who went for training. i didnt. didnt know there was training today, and i decided for a break. anyway, just walked to AMK hub, and around AMK hub talking and walking.

then went to dhoby to meet serene and supposedly a few others for dinner, who were supposedly going for a business seminar. dont see anyone except her other random friends from different places. At first, we're all just quiet, well a few of us. then slowly we started talking to one another, one by one. i think they're friendly. but i didnt manage to get to talk to them more because i wasn't going for the seminar which sounded quite interesting because i'm real exhausted.

there goes my opportunity to make more friends. :/ hope to have more chances though. i know i will. someday.

2009-10-19T21:07:00.002+08:00

am still suffering from the exhaustion of the past weeks? or is it just my mentality. am really feeling very tired now. and sch just have to start. :/

Still wishing for a break from everything. and my worries even got me to the extend of just resting from church. which i know i shouldn't.

Glad that it's over, though it's not totally over. and again, glad that the other is over too.
First it referring to Youth Anniversary, and the other referring to Competition. i dont know but i just feel so tired from training that i'm planning to take a week off training, though i know there's a few things i need to work on. or rather, want to work on. my throw, strength, and figure. LOL! glad that Youth Anniversary is over, so i'm free from any more meetings except for evaluation. free from any more planning for now.

Youth Anniversary 2009 is a great event. Catered for the fun of many. "Focus on the majority, not the minority. Many had fun", someone tried to encourage me. True. "There are those who just can't be bothered, and those that are too cool to be bothered", another said. Yea well, but there are still those who bothered and are in the minority that bothers me. and just right after morning, I begin to have a feeling that my day will not turn that well. on the lift up and back to church, i was telling him/her, how i wish that reality could just stay away for a few moments.

Yes it indeed is a success in terms of overall, people having fun, especially through the gameshow. Great Job Team!

But then again, I'm real disappointed with myself through the past 2 weeks till the gameshow. i mean before the gameshow. Why, would be because through the weeks leading to the event, honestly, i was very sian, and don't feel like doing anything. It's like I'm not really organising this event properly, to enhance it to the maximum. There are just so many things crashing here and there. Exams, competition, etc. Really and honestly, i didn't think i did a good job.

and when the games in the morning was played, i already got myself tired out worrying. Even before the whole event started, Rushing around, and there seems to be unpreparedness present in us. Not the whole team knows what's going on through this whole event. this is part of what i'm really looking for but i didn't get. why?! games were terrible to some people. But, I know, in events, there will be bound to have problems like this which can't be improved in planning because it's their diff characters and feelings to the games. and not everyone is the same. we plan to suite as many as we can. but we can't possibly plan to suite all!

another thing is that through all these, especially after the games, i was damn worried.
Worried about many things. Worried about how the people participating will think of the games. worried about how they will think about the planning comm. Worried about the thoughts of me planning this event which some people may not like the game. Worried about relations which may be affected at the cost of the fun of many more people participating. Worried about how well the overall will be. Worried about the comm's feelings.

I, being the chairman should be responsible. and am really feeling that i'm responsible for those unhappiness involved as well, those i know from one member that the only thing he/she worries about is how the youths will think of the organisation of the comm, and not really much of how they think of the games. No. is what i say in my heart more to the reason being that i care about people more. Though Different people have different opinions. till now i'm still worried.

But am Glad that not all isn't broken, and hope that things won't worsen, and M called to explain some stuff which i'm really glad to here and yes i really understand.

And during worship, is when i really realise that i'm taking it all in my own hands. and I've not totally put this event into God's hands. not letting God take control. not trusting God to all that's happening.

help me to continue looking to you Oh Father. Keep my heart at peace, and to continue trusting you no matter the outcome. Oh Lord, just remove everybit of anxiety and exhaustion. That I may move on, and Glorify even more.

The Gameshow was good, and i could really tell many was really enjoying themselves. if only it can continue. didnt manage to complete it due to time constraints. even the adults were enjoying. That's the only part of the whole day that i feel good. but then again, it's not my ideas, but the subcomm's planning.

Lunch, and a rush to Flyer to follow gabriel to collect his race kit. saw chest, and mandalim. with mandalim and zhen collecting the race kit makes me feel abit.. idk.. low? haha. dont have the ability to run, but i have abilities to do other stuff! =D

Chiong a cab down to bukit gombak to report for competition, almost fell asleep in the cab 'cos i'm real exhausted by then. I forgive the cabby because he's a new driver and lost his way for abit. I forgive him though. People makes mistakes. $17.80 in total for the whole trip, but charged us $17 for going up a wrong route for abit. at least i manage to reach on time and he manage to find the place. that's good enough.

threw shotput in replacement of Bro chong who gave me the chance to. But real sorry to disappoint you. didnt get into top 8. only managed a 9th with 9.01m.

here's my readings: 9.01m, 8.57m, and 8.79m

what's frustrating is that the 8th position, who got an extra 3 throw, has his highest reading as 9.02m!!!

what's the difference?! 0.01m! in other words, 1cm!

will aim to do better.

2009-10-12T13:46:00.002+08:00

holidays is ending in a weeks time and back to school. Busy, busy busy.

i just wish for one more week of break. at least to enjoy and give myself a break from all these busy-ness.

i once thought. cool! Youth Anniversary! Last celebration.

but honestly, i'm kinda worn-out now. Competition, Training. Event planning and last minute run-throughs. Really hope all these will go well. People will enjoy themselves.

once school starts, will be busy all the way. hopefully i can fork out the time to enjoy with my friends. guess i can only enjoy the next holidays which is in march? i dont know about Dec due to the tests. but i sure hope the tests will be before our dec break. so at least i can enjoy that 2 weeks. maybe even go holidays with my family.

and then again, there may be outings with my friends. i dont know. even enjoying can be stressful, as to which one to go. and whether i can have the time to meet up with them. following holidays maybe? next oct.. i dont wish to be so busy. i know i'll definitely have trainings though.

yesterday just doesn't seem like Sunday. yes i agree to the reason that i spent about 9 hours at gombak. and.. it really seemed like saturday when it came to night.

had another dream days back. at a place where SGC is held, not at uncle Francis' place though. and it seemed to only have adults, and me helping out with some stuff. that's when i met you again. and looked back onto the pass. wanting things to go back to where it was. i mean the status. some other info will remain silent.

2009-10-07T23:55:00.002+08:00

just cant get myself to do what i need to do. simply too lazy. became a potato couch the whole of yesterday, lying on my bed, and watching movies. was even lazy to go for training. the whole day just seems so sian. besides the fact that i got up for lunch with donald, and a session of catching up with josh.

on monday, went for this World Skills Competition (WSC) briefing as mentioned in some past post. However, WSC is the one on the even years. Meaning that we'll need to go through World Skills Singapore (WSS) on the odd years. The difference is that, WSS is the choosing of the top team to represent Singapore to go overseas to compete in WSC. So, in WSS, we'll be competing against all other Polys, and ITEs.

There are different sections to it though. e.g. Nursing, IT, Design, and Mechatronics aka engineering. and within each, there are also different events. Be it team(2-person team) or solo.
and we're chosen, so the question will be whether we're interested or not. and requirements to participate are to ensure that we're 21 or below, and we have to be Singaporean.

For WSS, there is the qualifying round where we have to compete with 15 over teams, out of which 7 or 8 will be chosen to go on to the final round. The winner of WSS will then get $3000, 2nd place aka silver getting $2000 and 3rd aka bronze getting $1000. and For WSC, we'll be competing against approximately 25 other countries with many countries who are advanced in technology, like Japan, Korea, US. The Champion will get $7000, 2nd, $5000 and 3rd, $3000.

Besides monetary prizes, what we'll be gaining is learning more of a certain set of skills, getting to know more people, and chances of getting diploma with excellence, or medallion of excellence if we do really well. this will then be shown in our resume.

In mechatronics, the team event, is to assemble this "station" or product according to the requirements within the fastest time, and be able to answer a set of questions given. In this case, the judges will be the customers giving the requirements, and we have to fulfill it.

it indeed is prestigious. I'm rather interested as i, from young, like to assemble stuff. =D and the gains sounds attractive enough. Learning skills to improve ourselves, better resume, and maybe monetarily? of course, it will be shared among the team of 2. and good news is that NYP has done well, locking in consecutive golds, silvers and bronzes in WSS. and have held the 7th, 3rd, 4th, and even champion in WSC! this will then prove that if we do really well, put in alot of effort and hard work, we might have a chance to do NYP proud. =D that's if we work hard.

But only obstacle is whether i have the time to or not. like will i be that packed? hope i can also maintain my good GPA.

oh and talking about that, Gordon asked me after the briefing whether i'm in the director's list. and i checked with people, to be in director's list will mean to be in the top 5% of the whole course. that will mean, for my course, say we have around 60 students in the course. top 5% will be 3? i told him i didnt notice. and asked where i could see and check. and i cant believe i missed it. yes i'm in the director's list. but the LORD can give, and he can take. I really hope to continue doing well, and obtain a diploma with award, or with colour.

happy. hope that will last.

2009-10-05T00:07:00.002+08:00

leading the committee. as i got onto the bus or simply right when the meeting ended, i got thinking. what have i learnt from organising this event. or what will i be going to learn. and maybe what can be improved? like abit of self-evaluating. not really sure of how to put it. but i think that's the way.

but i guess, as we move on, we'll learn more, and grow to be better.

today's word was good. To commit and serve the Lord more was what spoke to me.

these few days can be said to be filled with thinking for me. like how is my life going to progress, with so many things in line. wanting to serve God. to do well in studies. to do well in my event. to try and get into YFC. and now, world skills competition?

further on will be how will my life be like. my character, etc. there's just many things filling my mind more and more, making me feel unsure about all these.

maybe, it's just me spending alot of time wasted, playing games, or watching movies. but i would say some movies do teach us a thing or two. that's a good thing. planning for the event. will need to do more the following days.

another thing would be like one of my old problems till now, friends.

sometimes, it's just very hard to settle things down and think about it one by one. :/

2009-10-02T00:09:00.001+08:00

i wonder if age is catching up with me/to me..

i cant seem to remember what i'm done through this week. but i sure know there's alot of thinking. and training. that's all. sigh.

or is it just the routine? hm..

2009-10-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

today was kinda fulfilling. =D

to town, SMU, in the afternoon to give out "Urbane" cards. was fun chatting with dora, mabs, and shawn. fulfilling and satisfying when we gave out the cards.

lunch and movie later on. but the day somewhat went down.

guess i was just kinda tired? idk.

a topic kinda unknown to me, an engineer with no entertainment basics? i wonder.

anyway, some guy from sch of engineering, mr tay, something like that. called and asked whether i know what the world skills competition is. then told me my name was highlighted to be called. chosen? i wonder. but sounds like a good experience to be in. andd thus, he asked me whether i was interested, and i thought, why not. and more details will be given to me.

hope it's really something good. =D

2009-09-30T23:40:00.002+08:00

as we separated ways. into life of our own. leaving the lives we used to live.

many thing changes. what we're into. what we go through and what we missed during those days.

life with regret and life without. they're still life alike. Given to us preciously.

do not be envious. but be happy and be glad.

That's what i'm feeling now. seeing my friends going their ways. after seconary school, and into poly. life changing indeed.

there's only a few things i wish for.

to continue being part of those friends, in memories.
and simply. to see them live happily. =)

2009-09-30T19:45:00.004+08:00

think I'm falling sick again.

having abit of difficulties in breathing. competition's coming. hope it improves.

few things ran through my head today. though what i did was really more of a routine, and slacking?

gym, talk to wei jie and swim. well, of course, in the middle of it all, were all relax-ing and slacking, and chatting and joking, and playing around. all happened within 4 hours. i can't be so crazy to spend all this time training.

one thing weijie mentioned which really reminded me. it doesn't matter if people you teach becomes better than you. it's what you teach them and bring them up to be. be proud to raise someone better than who you are. that's the achievement. not what we get, like the medals, etc.

indeed i do agree. relations is the best gift that God has ever given to us.

next would be the decision whether i should take up that particular course. hm..

2009-09-29T21:19:00.002+08:00

is it really just me. with body giving out so much heat. it's irritating. not being able to sleep well. the weather's really really warm. or is it my fan getting too weak. :/

for the past few nights. I'm not able to sleep properly. just a few seconds on lying on my back, i'll start perspiring. WHY?!

and love bites?! irritating. seriously. what about my beauty sleep?!

had a dream when i woke up and fell asleep again this morning.

rough details are that anthony, was uncle mark's son. sorry joseph. anyway, we were all playing bowling. and when i bowled for 1 turn, i threw(not bowled) too hard that it bounced off a wall by the side of the lane, and went back to a straight line of bowl, and scored a 9 out 10 pins. and weird thing is that the lane was in the middle.

second dream was about me bringing like those real big cups i have at home to drink water in school. like 2 cups? and have not stopped drinking. and when it was time to go home, i forgot to bring the cup home. so halfway through idk where, i remembered and rushed back to secondary school, to try and get it. idk what happened next, but i started talking to some teacher, and what was mentioned is that i should drop sch because i'm in the air force, and i would be more fierce. idk about that part really. haha

2009-09-28T11:26:00.002+08:00

HAPPY.

i feel an improvement in the announcement i made yesterday. So it seems like things are going well so far. Except for the fact that the preparations for the actual event is not totally done yet. There are indeed so many things missing. Thanks Joshua. We're all learning, and I'll eventually grow better. Thank You Lord for giving me so many opportunities. and also for the encouragements. =)

After church, i was really kinda confused about where to go. And for the past few weeks, I've been pondering about where the old days have gone. where most of us, as a group, will just go out to town, for lunch. and maybe even a movie. but i guess, we have all grown up, and have became busy, especially those having major exams at this point in time.
will things improve?

But i'm really glad i made it to NTU with some other young adults and youths to give out the Urbane cards. or rather, just slip it under guys dorms. It's a good experience, and also a good chat with few of them, and became closer to them. I really do feel happy and good. Learning about life experiences and opinions from elaine and aunty Agnes. about family relationships. and stuff. and i hope i can remember them though. i mean those lessons of life. :x

all these chats reminds me of how much i appreciate these moments of chats with friends. of course, and chats which talk rubbish here and there to spice up life too! thus concludes, i should really spend more time building relations, than to just stay on my com and watching movies and become a potato couch.

i do regret. at times, i just plug in my earphones into my ears. and i dont spend time with my family when they're at home. :/ well, i would say there's a time for everything.

Recently, i've somewhat became addicted or hooked to 2 things.
1)Rubbing my eyes. which i dont know why i cant stop. and even when i'm at the point of waking up, i rub my eyes. and of course, you all know the results. irritation and swollen eyes.
2)using the com too much. and like when my sisters borrow my com, it'll be like. i'm bored. i need my com. and somehow i dont trust my sisters and afraid something would happen to my com. i should just trust them and make full use of my time rather than thinking i need my com. the usage of com has also led to me sleeping very late at night.

2009-09-27T00:29:00.004+08:00

indeed, this week has been good. Thank You Lord.

though things have happened despite being busy today, I would still say it's a good day, and I would still thank you Lord.

some things are meant to be kept in secrecy while many others can be shared. I'm not standing here offending anyone, but I would just wanna comment about something I would somewhat get irritated with, followed by a misunderstanding or a change in the path the thoughts in my mind would go. "ok ok"(and others related to it, eg. kk;okay okay; alright alright). something in common? yes. i find all these very irritating. Or maybe it's just me. this is partly what i'm talking about, if you understand me.

Finally, published the publicity video out of wmm and into wmp, a playable version, for play in about 12 hours later. Took a whole day, like more than 10 hours? But it was worth it. Worth doing it for God. and Worth it because of the learning experience. it'll be on FB if you're reading this, and not be watching it 12 hours later. Church. but i predict it'll be about 20 hours later?

one hot topic for this week would be the results of the semester exam. I thank God for it. though i could have done better, i could also have done worse. so, by the grace of God, i fared well with 4 As, 1 B, 1 distinction giving me a GPA of 3.792. I'm really happy for those who did well, and for those who don't, Don't lose hope! we're all in it together, and we can do it!

right now, i guess i'm really doing something stupid. trying to think of what i have done the past 2 weeks. and i guess i cant really remember every detail, except maybe for watching movies, having my meals, sleeping quite late, playing abit of games, and training. This has been going on, and i guess, maybe i could recall what i've done.

and amazingly, though i wanted to blog about this something, and have been procastinating, i'm here to talk about it NOW. bro-dy brought about something which i feel is good, and can be learnt or simply speaking, picked-up, and i have not been doing. For that, I'm ashamed. moments of reflection, and thinking. reflecting about life, how one have grown, and the future, about what is to come. Thinking about life, and how the rest of my days are going to be.

why i say i'm ashamed is because i thought i've planned what i want to do for this holidays. but things aren't going as fully planned. and it seems as though i'm really wasting my time. but the question is then again, "aren't holidays meant to be used for relaxing and enjoying?" and secondly, i thought of just taking time of the day, and just go out there and sit. enjoying the Lord's creation, and the company of peace and the Lord(or maybe if people would join me, no problem). just thanking and praising Him for everything, and enjoying his creation, and at the same time, thinking and reflecting on my life. YES. That's what i ought to do. but laziness kicks in. that would be a problem which can be solved based on will. of course, that includes quiet time which i ought to be doing consistently.

"What is God doing in my Life right now?"
"Am I living the way I'm supposed to live? For Him?"

one sentence was spoken to me by this "bro". But I guess I could just pray for him? Dont wanna offend anyone, and let anger stir within me. No! devil's work is not allowed. Yes we do fall. but by God's grace, we stand once again, in a continuous battle with Mr. S.A. Tan.

you rnic knameisirr itatin geve rytimeir eaditig etirri tated. and from that, i assume it's the word "For God"? idk.

while walking down some school corridor, standing(walking rather) tall and upright, your face had that look. the look which had disappeared for months. ilyandimy was what was it said. hours after i woke up from that dream. 1000-11plus was the time my younger sis tested some conditioner on my hair which got me missing~~(lovin)~~ and thinking, yet irritated my nose abit due to it being relatively strong at the start. but that aside, the missing part was true. honestly. me meeting me*aka. you at dinner, and talking abit of life. something you said, really got me thinking all over again. that smell. what is it telling me. I wonder. ~~"uoyfoduorp"~~

OR maybe, i'm just thinking too much. :/

2009-09-22T12:03:00.001+08:00

some drivers these days. signal one direction, and drive the other. abit slower and there's a possibility of losing one leg. once again, abit slower and there's a possibility of losing one life. but also cant blame them on not knowing which direction they want to proceed to.

Today was a wonderful day to a certain aspect in such a way that i really enjoyed being in this world. Thank You God. It's wonderful indeed. Saw a handicapped man, and compassion filled my heart. Though I didnt know what to do at first, and felt real bad just sitting at the bubbletea stall. so i decided to just stand up. But, i just cant pick up the courage to approach him though. and i knew he was kinda struggling. but looking back at it, i feel bad, and i only thought the way i had been, the only way was to pray for him. =) and also an old man walking slowly. I'm proud of being through this. then, i saw a boy doing a good deed. returning $50 to one who dropped it. I kept smiling to myself. Man, Life is good. =D

Also, i Thank God, that i'm not being put through that, but to be in a stage where i experience all these happenings and thank God for it. and also to learn, and have a heart filled with compassion.

have not been throwing javelin for quite some time, so my technique.. seems to be lost a little. :/ cant get my arm to come out right for the few throws i did today. and as for shotput, i forgot a little on how to throw today, and my speed didnt seem to be there. somewhat disappointed in this part of the fact. but i guess i just need more confidence and practise. =) I sure do hope i can improve wholly.

2009-09-18T10:12:00.003+08:00

though last week was more of a down turn, fri night and sat night perked it up a little.
Friday, after training, we had a pool session, which includes training, followed by playing captain's ball in the pool. so had some fun before i made it down for cell. and as for saturday, met the trackers at the pub Eugene was working at, to chat and bond, and have fun. Drank only a small sip of alcohol though. just one small sip. but more importantly is the bonding though i left rather early.

however that morning was also rather sian. went to gym, with plans in mind to go to track to sprint and throw. BUT THE TRACK IS USED for some event. dont know what event. :/

as for this week, it has been a real challenge.
Monday, had to rush through some stuff in the planning for Youth Anniversary. hope i dont miss out anything. tuesday i believe is a day for rest for me.

wednesday supposedly seemed a packed day. but because i didnt go for training, things seemed a little more relaxed besides one obstacle which i was real worried about. went to the temple to visit my late grandmother who dearly doted on me, with my dad, aunts and cousins. memories come flowing back into my mind. :/ i do miss you. Anyway, what i was worried about is mainly of what may happen if my dad or aunts force me to take the joss stick, and i refuse. what will the outcome be. but thank God, neither of these have happened, and everything was fine. afterwhich, went to have lunch with them to celebrate my cousin's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CINDY JIE.

came home to use the com for awhile before being fetched by my dad to rebekah's place to discuss and do the publicity. however at those point in time, i started to feel down. doubting my capabilities as a leader. Because of the fact that what i was doing, wasn't efficient at all. and stuff like that. But indeed, these are not meant to put me down, but instead to help me grow and improve. Besides, leaders aren't made overnight. and we shouldn't lose faith.

got home really tired. around 11 plus? well then. yesterday, i had a hard time struggling with trying to get that video out, and finally gave it up. with the thought that i needed a re-filming! a new idea. those were killing me in the morning. trying to think of a way out. but in the end, after lunch, i couldn't take it and just went to sleep. and watched full metal panic! to cheer myself up. haha. the whole day. how slack can i be. man. haha.

2009-09-11T00:48:00.002+08:00

i enjoyed myself though originally, i had wrong predictions of my fun of today. Thanks to Drew and people for organising this event, and also the birthday people. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

learnt something new today too. frisbee. haha. thanks bin. though i had training and stuff to do, i manage to turn up. so i'm not disappointed with myself. some charades, heart attack(dex's style), and frisbee, and chilling out. though was rather boring at the chilling out stage where studying and loning occurred.

anyway, this week, unlike last week, has been a total downturn, though many more people are free. however, my week is just wasted like that, unlike today, i mean before midnight.

doing some reflections...

monday, woke up late like around 12 plus to 1 plus? wanted to go to sch gym, but forgot my admin card, so had to wait at track for ah long and 2nd twin brother, just of diff age and strength and personality and.. etc, before i could go and train. slacked. and home. monday just passed like that.

tuesday, a wake up in the morning and worked for my mom, FOC to help her with her work from 10 plus or 11 plus all the way to 5 plus. i agree it's alot of wasting time and boredom. went for training which means throwing, and abit of core. then tuesday was just wasted like that.

wednesday, woke up, had porridge after a long time. thanks mother. =) 3 big bowls of porridge for breakfast, and another 3 for lunch, before meeting weijie for gym training. but i started to rush because of some bike lending, and was supposed to cycle to sch to pass it to him. but no matter how much i pump the back wheel, it just went flat straight. and i just changed that freakin tyre the last time i rode it. and i spent more than 30 bucks on it! and it's failing me now. wow right? i got really irritated, especially, knowing myself, when i start to rush and panic. so all i needed to do was to calm myself down. but.. struggling abit though i know i can do it. after training, swam, and chatted. and went for some meeting. and home. and there you go. another day just passed like that.

BUT, something happened in the night. not anything exciting though. indeed i was feeling very tired already. had quite a number of stuff to do, but thanks to my mom, my load for that night was relieved. washing the loads of dishes. and through some points, something really got me thinking. the fear of losing my friends came back to me. knowing my kind, rather picky? or maybe even rather of an anti-social of my past, made me think of the close friends i have. but at that point, i couldnt think of many, though i know i have them. but, i was focusing on one really good friend of mine. what happens if i lose that friend? i dont know, but i know things would really be very different. and even the way my life is now. i have no idea. i'm lost.

thursday, which is before midnight, woke up early to meet weijie for training again. then off to meet the people in the above mentioned event. and went off early, together with a few of them, had bubbletea after some time, before seperating paths, and having a call from my dad for dinner. came home, and something bad happened, my rubbish chute is open and seems like some neighbours upstairs in washing the chute or something, mist filled the kitchen and even my house. the moment i stepped into home. my goodness. first thing was the kitchen. and my kitchen floor was wet, not with clean water. had to bathe and rush out to meeet my dad, so i actually thought of leaving it to clean when i get home. and thanks girl for cleaning it up. just that today, after midnight, i'll need to remove all the detergents and stuff under the sink, in that cupboard where the rubbish chute was, and change the newspaper which keeps the floor clean?

upon switching on my com, i found it a real bore. and i thought to myself once again. what's my purpose of getting me online? gaming? nope. not much. watching anime, yep. fb. yes. and friend's company. but at some points in time, i dont know. there is no one there to talk to. and thinking about it. sigh. who shares my feelings. it really is a downturn for me this week.

I really wish the day would pass real quickly. REALLY.

training in the morning. and more training in the evening? waste travel fee and time. after which, i was supposed to send aunty pat something. evelyn. hope you're not reading this, but yes, you got me noted on one fact that i didnt take not, and forgotten. so crap. i'm like a gonna. i'll need to change some stuff and discuss it the next meeting. first, i'll neeed to contact aunty pat. i'm thinking of pushing training in the evening forward to the morning. but because of this thing i'm supposed to send, which is killing me. besides, my elder sis, needs her ATM here cos she's broke, and she needs to get stuff from COMEX which i may most probably be following her and her friends to lend her a hand, and also to look for a laptop sleeve/cover. to me, it seems like i'm starting to becoming the man of the household, with my mom sharing stuff with me, and me trying to look after alot of stuff in the family which my father dont look into, and sometimes, really, cant. i dont blame you dad. i understand. but on the other hand, it's really tough to hold on. yes i know, to some working people out there, or people suffering more than i do. this is nothing. i have yet to go through more. but i know Lord, you'll be with me through all these. despite me, forgetting you, and only looking to you in desperate times. I'm SO SORRY. (damn tears, there's nothing wrong with tearing. i'm admitting.)

cell. i'm looking forward to that time. when the day will be gone.

while people complains that time is not enough, some people are still killing and wasting time.
AND whilst some people say time flies, some comment that they pass too slowly.
TIME.
is not reversible.
and can never be made up again.

2009-09-06T01:30:00.002+08:00

there goes my plan of extra training. power! not endurance!

com ah com ah com. i need to reduce. sheesh, i'll need to learn from dy regarding relaxing, and making reflections.

as the saying goes. every family has their own problem. sigh.

2009-09-05T13:01:00.002+08:00

the previous post was supposed to be posted like yesterday? but alot of delays due to some problem with blogger. and i forgot to mention that i watched "I Love You, Beth Cooper"
whilst some people may say it's not good, in my opinion i feel that it's rather good. maybe because it's one of my type of shows? hm.

was supposed to go michael's place to play the whole day yesterday, and i had thoughts of whether i should actually not go for cell and training to play the whole day? but of course, i kicked those thoughts out and went for training. morning, was supposed to meet michael, at around 11 at his place, but i woke up late, and i'm not sure of whether i should even go, too. but in the end, i did, after brunch with my mum. that brunch was a real cool thing, different from othr days. we went to Kim San Leng for chicken rice, something we've not eaten in a long while. giving some comments, it's a store where people queue up to eat it. a long queue especially at night? well, i find the soup more bland, and not up to that standard. maybe it's just that day. i hope so. and out a sudden, it started to rain. so we went to s11 for tea as my mum didnt like the coffee and tea at KSL. so we drank and chatted till rain stopped, and she went to work while i came home to my com, and also to pack my bag, for training and for cell. i kinda regretted going to mike's place at first for a reason that they stopped playing ps3, and went to play dota. so i had nothing to do but to msg.. and maybe abit of others stuff like organising abit of my holiday, cut my nails, and draw abit? but the later on was rather fun, playing Mortal Kombat VS. DC Universe. i'm still getting owned though. but improving. =)

was almost late for training, but they have not started when i got there, so was fine. and Coach got us to play handball, using a soccer ball. was fun playing, but my stamina was very low, as usual and also because i'm not fully recovered yet, sniffing and coughing while playing. :S
but training was good, i could feel my throwing has improved abit after warming up which hasn't. and i know i forgot to do stretching cos i started feeling nauseous when i drank too much water and tried doing core. but even for core, i only did 2 sets instead of 3, and was dying for my planks.

and also, i didnt not regret going for cell, for what i learnt during group sharing. from what i shared about my dilemma, what i'm studying of what i'm getting, doesn't necessarily make me go that path. we can even become entrepreneur by using our experience in engineering to sell planes and stuff.(according to donnie) so our paths not necessarily stop there. also, we can work at something, and if our interest in one particular area is burnt or out passion and interest changes as we grow older, we continue working to save that amount of money then work towards our goal.(by ramesh). Thanks guys. and yes, i also learnt we shouldn't be complaining about our holidays when we can actually enjoy it. be it finding job experiences to know what type of job we like or dont. and also build up our resumes which i dont think i have. haha. or getting some skills.

also, thanks joel for sharing this passage:
Ecclesiastes 9:7-10
Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it isnow that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun - all the meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave where you are going, there is neither work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

i think this passage is real meaningful, as it really tells us to live our lives to the fullest as we will not be able to do so in grave.

i have a friend. who have just put me into a dilemma about a small minor thing. i'm having abit of regret, and thoughts of whether i should just tell him straight instead of dragging things on and making things worse for me in a sense that the other party may have the wrong idea. :/ gee. continue with the flow, or break it? i have a feeling no matter where this is going, if i break it. friendship may be lost. and if something happens if i go with the flow, the same results. Though that can be prevented, i dont know. i feel very very awkward.

are you the one that's changing, or is it just me whose thought is filled with uncertainty of who my friend really is as yet till this point in time.

2009-09-05T13:00:00.000+08:00

it's just the start, and i feel very bored. i feel you people who dont play games! I FEEL YOU!
without training, due to not feeling well, it's really really boring. have not started much of what i planned to do though.

first day of holiday, meaning right after the paper, i was on the com the whole day. yesterday, managed to get out of the house for a walk and chat + 'they shop, i follow' with dy and val. and back home was the com without touching anything much either. it was a good exp since i dont go out that often. haha. and a good get together & chat. haha.

had a trip to SIAEC 2 days ago, as mentioned, and had realised a number of things. it's a rather interesting place as it has 2 training facilities over at changi, and where we went, upper changi road between bedok and kemangan(that how you spell it?).

well, during that short lecture of what they do over at the facilities training engineers and technicians of a few categories, they also explain the courses they have, i mean to get the license for engineering. and without that license, you cant even be touching a plane, i mean maintaining and repairing even if you have a deg. in other words there isnt any needs for a degree at all, unless we get the degree, then go for the course for a supervisor? but besides all those, to be an engineer repairing and stuff, we just need that license, which also earns more as your license prolongs.

in addition, while studying in uni, we pay them to study, but for this course to get the license, they pay you. your allowance for first year $800+ a month? second year, 900+? and 3rd-3 1/2 years, 1050$? but thing is we become employees instead of students thus, no more student prices. :/ anyway, besides that fact,if license only, happens if it fails, like i get retrenched, etc. what else can i do diploma cert only? not much but for deg, research, and normal engineering? and stuff research will mean to 4 walls? and... maybe more? and normal engineering to other areas like engines etc. so if i take deg first, then license, i'll waste like 8 years? and for engineering repair, they will only take like young people to go and repair and those late 30s or 40s get to stay down as supervisors cos cant climb that much anymore. and i may have to ask specifically for a category B license not C which is for supervisor? and there goes my future of looking for a wife XD

haha. anyway, so i'm still thinking. maybe i'll be damn persistent on flying a plane

well, and i think, looking at where i'm standing, chances of me flying.. i dont know i really wanna get into YFC

repairing planes will also mean at times, we have to burn nights with really tough and rush times to get a plane fixed and delivered on time. climbing into planes where there wont be any lights at night and stuff sounds fun and also crawling in and under parts of a plane. in the dark

2 weirdest dream happened in my mind when i was asleep on sunday night, and on tuesday night. one being just weird, the other, being weird and scary!

the one on sunday night, 2 nights before the day of my last paper:

the first scene, seemed to be held at NYP's atrium, which for some reason, seemed to have shrunk ALOT! and for some reason, my last paper was held there instead of the supposed S476.

anyway, while waiting for the paper to start, Mr Tan Kok Lum, appeared out of no-where, from where i'm sitting, facing the library, the left walkway of the first level to the other blocks. Anyway, he talked to the invigilator, who then asked me to follow him.

the next scene transformed into somewhere outside some hall of some school which i dont even recognise. he then takes out a javelin with rubber tips (used for training indoors), to show me, and let me hold it, but not throw cos the ceiling aint that high, and there are some people infront playing some dont know what. after he asked me to do something, then disappeared, and bendexter appeared, and took me somewhere. in that dream, i then assumed that mr tan asked me to go accomplish some task with bendexter, but i cant rmb what. and according to dex, he was saying about bringing me somewhere no one ever knows about. and it turns out to be somewhere up on the roof and behind somewhere where there are ventilators, and a ladder leading to a higher level and has wiring nets/fence.

i dont remember the interval already, but the next scene will be on that particular level we were at, we continued walking, and came out of the walkway where mr tan walked in the first scene, and i remembered claiming to dex, "wa, 45 mins already ah? time pass so fast" and we walked down the middle of the area where we were supposed to have our exams, which for some reason have not started, and i'm making my way out of school. while walking down that aisle, i saw petrina sitting in the middle, and i waved to her saying hi. and another for some reason and out of another no-where, wendy was sitted infront of her, turned around and waved to her to say hi too.

the next moment, i woke up, panic-king thinking it was the day of my exam, and couldnt go back to sleep. -.- and realising it's the day before the exams and not the exam day.

the next one, i remembered rather briefly. i was hanging out with ___'s whole family, or rather part of her family(of course whom i've never met before), and fell in love with this cousin of hers who was challenged both in height and weight. :S and things go on. like some convo,and events, i dont really remember(or rather i dont want to also), then at some point, in my mind, i was thinking, "the type i like/love should have a good figure...". dont remember the back part of that thought. anyway, then, i decided to just leave, not being able to take it. while leaving, i hesitated for some reason, at some security outpost/counter, stood there with someone waiting in line behind me. and suddenly, she, (____'s cousin) grabbed my hand and prevented me from leaving and started pulling me back into this living room. rather grand (the main scene from the start also). and from there, i found her being very possessive, and being mentally challenged, to a certain extend, too. you know like some stories where the girl cannot accept the fact that the guy is leaving, and suffers a relapse? and then..

i cannot remember already. this dream was rather traumatising though. anyway, dont be sensitive to the "her" and "____". okay? =D

2009-09-02T00:39:00.007+08:00

oh yes. i forgot to include some other stuff to my plans.

thus,
11. start reading more books
12. start cleaning the house

also, i'll be going to SIAEC on 3rd september! for an Eye-opening experience, get an insight of the job scope, job opportunities and carrer progression through lecture dialogue, video and tour.
there goes another lecture throught the holidays. It'd better be good. =D Honestly, I'm thrilled! haha. I cant wait to be there for that tour!
(SIAEC = Singapore Airlines Engineering Company)

as i was transferring and saving some bookmarks from the NIV bible application in the phone to my com, i came across this verse:

Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

i found this verse really speaking to me because of maybe what i'm facing? to be clearer, i'm trying to be a good brother and a good son, but i've been facing some challenges. next on, i'm also trying to get closer to God, and also to use my time wisely. so this verse really spoke to me.

memories flow back into my head when i see them out there. reminds me of the times we've been together. and as i look into that green book, reading through those msges again. I really do miss those times. However, I noticed that what i wrote were pure rubbish, and crap. I mean those negative things about myself, and how unworthy i am to every extend, and downgrading myself to a person who is not loved by anyone at all, and stuff. Also, i realised how childish those times was, for myself to not be that decisive, and all those acts? i guess and it seems rather harsh and.. what's that word to be used? i cant describe it. but i know it. why do i even bring back these memories? cos i still think of it, yes i certainly do.

But difference now is that I thank God for all of it. the bad, and the good memories. I thank God for enabling me to look back and learn. I thank God for reducing it the the state of friendship right all the way from the bottom, where it first started. I thank God that it wasn't brought till this age and time. For i cannot imagine what it will be like with all those childishness, and i wouldn't have grown.

was talking to Jireh ysterday, and we were suddenly talking about relationships, and i told him i dont know whether i'll carry on into one ever again, because of the past experience. But indeed, he reminded me that, it was there for a reason, and to be learnt and changed. that fact, slipped out of my mind, but still, now, i'm afraid of carrying the same mistakes if anything happens. hopefully not.

2009-08-31T20:37:00.003+08:00

still coughing and coughing, and coughing. Well, Thank God i managed to pull through the last paper. ever since i fell sick on sunday(like 2 days ago, making today the 3rd day of falling sick), i feel rather terrible in the sense that, it sucks to be coughing and throat and chest hurting. especially for the past 2 days, or rather, starting 2 days, my body has been feeling uneasy, like the normal sick man does, feeling weak and sore all over the body.

it was worth the sacrifice going for 4love class outing yesterday, though i got really worried and started to have a slight fever. Thanks people for the prayers, and Thank you Lord, for laying your hands and blessing me through my studies and exams, and pulling me through the past few days of.. tough time to go through? that's it. =)

honestly, i had second thoughts of whether i should go or not, even the the point in time when Joshua was on his way to my place. Matthew was suggesting for me not to go, i agreed with him being that my studies and health is more important, but the decision made and thought planted in my mind was fixed, and well, i went in the end due to that fixed decision before he suggested anything. promised bro (wait i didnt!), and both feug/fooge and josh were persuading me besides me, myself. but one regret was that i didnt know we had to wait till 5? so i was really getting drowsy, and.. you know. regret waiting and going early? when i can actually study more or rest at home first.

i tried to leave early, but there others who beat me to it. dang. :X

before i proceed on, i shall start with my plans for my hols since my exams have FINALLY ENDED!

1. Get closer in relationship with God.
2. Train hard + exercise; i think like almost everyday? (after i recover)
3. go for meetings, and TRY my best to make Youth Anniversary a successful and memorable one.!
4. go out with friends to enjoy the holidays and catch up. or even help with O's.
5. research more about planes, javelin etc.
6. Get on with my aluminium craft, and plans to draw?
7. change my DULL blog, and update my links
8. pick up drums again, and maybe start learning bass/guitar. (bass is my main aim, but i need my commitment, and hence, drums came up)
9. cycle more often and aaaround!
10. edit and organise my "Favourites" on internet explorer.

this seems abit too much to fit into the 6 1/2 weeks hols. but i'll just try. after sch reopen will be tough. :/
scroll down and you'll find the date of the prev. post, and also how long this post is going to be! haha!

I think i missed something out when i attended my niece's birthday party which i think i missed out blogging about. let's all turn to the side of your head, or maybe my head and look at the thought bubble..

it was the 8th of october, before meeting donald, audrey and xin ni to hang out. i went over to a chalet booked by my cousin at changi. man i love that place. i mean it's lovely! but too bad i didnt stay over or anything to take a look at the scenery in the morning or afternoon. i merely saw the evening and night view. i was talking to both my cousin (who is close to my dad) and my dad, when i found my cousin telling me how my dad is trying to change. in the sense that he's being more lenient aka less strict with. that's when i also learn that my dad will actually allow me to have a girlfriend and even bring her home to see him? haha! how interesting can that be? not saying that i'm doubtful, but fact is i'm shocked!

and that night was really a night when i get to talk to my cousins alone and find things out too. i mean. just abit which i dont normally do.

besides that, i was actually thinking of maybe i would like to book that chalet for class outings? cos of the nice place. but travelling and getting there and out to other places might be a problem. :(

as time moves on, till the weeks before, like my study break and exam period, i dont remember much of the events happening except for studying, eating, sleeping, going to church, and studying.

but of course, there are events which i remember! went out for dinner and a movie with matthew chee last fri. a dinner, followed by a supposed movie. but district 9 starts at 9.30? or was it 9.35? so we decided to walk around the parsak malam (if that's how you spell it. but i know you know what i'm talking about). got some food stuff and sugarcane, and sneaked to toastbox for a sit. found a table with 2 empty cups and there goes! our sit! haha. talked life, and bought time before going on to the "thought lousy at first, good through till the end" movie with wicked alien weaponries. *likes* - in facebook.

too much of facebook comments. haha. sunday was teachers' day, so had lunch in GNK, though i was already starting to feel sick. heh. came home to rest and have to make a miss to TCH's aka my track senior's "leaving overseas for attachment" dinner. Sorry! and it was great food at gnk! thanks! and a slight family problem at night. :/ i wont elaborate on that. but i hope one learns her lesson, and the other learns to be better and more forgiving.

moving on with the dates will start to mean replaying the front part again, and to what i'm doing now. but NO! i have more to talk about. well, to rant about myself, besides the choice of finding people i can do that to. you can actually start ignoring this part if you will.

i find life becoming more demanding. to a certain extend? i just cant stand myself, trying to gain attention, and may even in turn harm someone with my words. well, i almost lost one friend by saying something to protect another when nothing is even being done in the first place! also, i just cant stop myself from babbling what i did in my life that is out of total randomness and of no use, to get people to notice me? that i'm still trying to change. i just want to be a good friend. nothing more of any sort. :/ actually i cant remember much of what i want to say in this aspect as it happened, and right now, i'm not in any moody or emo state, haha. so i cant really portray what is the exact thing i wanted to talk about. but i guess, fact is that everyone has their own problems. and right now, i'm still learning to open up and be more friendly compared to my past. it's hard. but there's no way, i'm going to continue being pessistic! and there's no way i'm going to give up! besides that, i'm also learning to try and keep "the story of my life" low, and kept unless someone asks. in other words, to put it right, try to stop and seek attention. i guess. un-necessary attention which i don't need of course. hm. shucks, i'm rather optimistic now, so this i cant say much. and as usual, you get my point. trying to get more out of me, have a heart to heart talk, or wait for me to experience it again and feel emo. within like the night which it happened and before i sleep? if i blog that is.

2009-08-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

what a series of unfortunate events. phone. throws. then hearing. BUT I BELIEVE THERE IS SOMEETHING TO BE LEARNT. :/

am i cut out for it? what a failure. even new people, can throw better. and even though i'm new and anyhow throw, it's way worse.
there's only one word which can describe how i feel now. D-E-M-O-R-A-L-I-S-E-D is how it's spelt.
are you disappointed? i am, but i'm worried of other things here. About going for IVP? and about my exams. with this, i'm still not having the mood to study.

indeed. i should relax and take this as a learning point. that i'll do. I'LL WORK WAY HARDER! PUSH! though i cant get over it.

what happened:
javelin. my warm-up throws were okay. my first 5 actual throws didnt freakin poke the ground! URG! no readings. last throw. 17 something metres. worse than my normal training throws. and after which, i tried throwing again, i managed to throw further! and seriously, i found that at that point my attitude sucks. been thinking of the pessimistic parts. and i know i changed to be come worser that's for sure. sigh. forgive me.

is IVP still possible for me? showing the attitude that i had just now, i dont know. :/ did i disappoint them? i think i did. but there's nothing i can do now but to train harder.

problem with my phone started a few days ago. where i cant receive msges till i restart my phone. 2 days with it. got irritated, changed to my old phone. my 5300. getting used to it. trying to? diff functions and properties. plus internally.. yea. well, now, batt is faulty. but still uing it no matter what. i wont complain much about it cos i know my mom has been sacrificing new phones for us. At this point, i'm rather happy with my phone.

you know when you scratch your head, or do something which affects your internal hearing, or maybe external like putting something down, and someone suddenly talks to you? you go "huh?" and people mistake it as you can't hear properly? that's what happened. it used to be sis who called be deaf in a fit of anger. and today, my mum? :/
okay, is it me or does it happen to everyone? when there's those slight disturbances when someone speak to you, then insults you? Does it happen to be MY FAULT? that i can't hear properly EVEN IF it happens that i'm slightly deaf? not saying that i am.

Materials technology (EG 1024) paper tml. I'm currently freakin scared about it. I'm only slightly more than halfway through studying. excluding wanting to do out a mindmap later on after covering my basics on every topic. midnight oil definitely going to be burnt.

2009-08-10T00:31:00.001+08:00

is it possible?

2009-08-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Happy 44th Birthday SINGAPORE!

today, I won't say is a fantastic one. but rather, more of a bad one.

first reason, cos i was tired in the morning?

second, will be it kinda really stinks? I find it kinda boring. reason being, as we grow older, all these events doesn't seem to be as enjoyable as it was before in primary school, or maybe secondary. events like new year, Chinese new year, Christmas? national day, and bla.

I didnt really get to enjoy myself, and was really bored to death.

I didnt want to watch NDP'09 at all. Frankly speaking. I wasn't enjoying this day. No going out. and my com was kidnapped by my elder sis who claims to be doing her work and needing to rush something, when she's fb-ing and chatting on MSN. okay. that i might understand. and my younger sis just FB all the way. I got damn freakin sian and emotional. and selfish which i know i shouldnt be! and the worse thing is, I dont have my freakin phone which is working properly. all i got was my phone being problematic! I cant stand it. Of course,that's my selfish part. I know that if i put myself in their shoes, they would be feeling the way i was feeling. BUT THEY HAVE THEIR PHONE!

I was without! those feelings which i've not felt in a while beside the other day, came back again.

Who hears me anyway. That i dont know. i dont even think i can really find one friend to call and talk to? well, one thing would maybe be because i dont wanna spoil their day? and another would probably be that i dont want to be SEEN as relying alot on others.

This feeling. sigh.. At another point, i was thinking, it would be better with me suffering this than my sisters. i would definitely want my sisters to be happy. and most of the time, the other part of me will want and love to complain to get attention. I WANT TO CHANGE THAT! I DONT WANNA GET ATTENTION. I JUST WANNA LIVE LIFE HAPPILY!

sigh. what yong en posted on the cell blog really spoke to me. but i dont feel like typing it here though. not in the mood now, except to rant to myself and this blog.

Who hears me speaking; who hears me calling; or who hears me wailing.
:/

2009-08-01T01:00:00.002+08:00

As the days pass one after another, Life feels so much different from the Past. Though the past contains regrets, happy memories still lies in it. I miss those moments when times were enjoyable. I do not really want to go care about those regrets, but instead to change them to improve my life for the present, and for the future.

As we come to this stage, at this point in time, I've found myself caught in the midst of a battle. A battle with oneself. Different characters working well together to bring a whole unit down.

I've not felt this for months, ever since O Levels when I was rather stressed out or maybe comparing it to other emotional moments.

The past few weeks, I started realising, how much I became weaker. Not physically, and emotionally, I guess. I'm not sure about being mentally.

Pause for a moment. *beep* [presses the pause button]

Why was that so story like. I'll get straight to the point. *beep* [resumes]

As Days move on, I realise that I've been falling prey to dependence. Depending alot more on others than I used to. Losing all the reliability I once had, or thought I had. Does that include Trustworthy-ness? Not in this aspect, but YES! I'm losing all of this. I see a difference. I'm losing my principles, the old Jeremy which lived a few months back or maybe just WEEKS back. I feel rather useless and crap. I've came to a point where my weaknesses can be shown. Too lazy? I guess one point.

I think I've become a rather hypocrite? Knives and arrows flying around, killing certain people, but there I stand, in the middle, either not doing anything or saying anything, but helping and siding the people who created war. I feel like a jerk at times. Hoping that I dont get pulled in and involved.

Think this has been going on for a few weeks. Both Consciously and sub-consciously.

"Who hears me screamin', when I call
Who hears me wailin', when I open up my door.
... ..."

part of a song i somewhat created. Though I forgot the rest of the words, I claim all those in your name oh Lord. Including your name and praising you. Thanking you for being there whenever we need you. And I found myself doing this whenever I'm down. Creating songs of sadness which are never shared.

Another Shocking part which affected my day today. While training, last fri, and tues, I've hurt a little in the hip/groin area. Like some sharp pain, but not totally in the groin. According to me, it would be the cross-legs being to forceful. However, according to Akid, it would be because of the last part of jamming before releasing a javelin. That I agree after thinking and figuring. One cause of it would be uneven hip? something like one leg shorter than the other. So as recommended by him, to see a traditional chinese doctor, those tie-da yi shen to "crack-crack" back to normal? I dont know how long this have been. But when I came home and stood properly, I witnessed for myself, how one shoulder of mine is lower than the other. I really hope it was the effect of jamming too hard at a high speed the other day, and using a little too much force for cross-leg right before jamming.

There are more for me to improve in javelin still.

Ah yes. I forgot one important thing to mention in the previous part about character. I'm also finding myself, going back to the past when I wanted more attention. To seek more attention from people. Thus, to a certain extend, have found myself to be a little irritating at times. I'm worried. Of the outcome. Influence has caused a big change too. Swinging to and fro. The ~~ICE~~ have moved from place to place.

2009-07-11T13:42:00.002+08:00

Man. 12.45 Pm. The time i woke up today.

so far that has been the latest record of mine. as my latest used to only be at 11? today was the record! which also ruined my timetable for the day. Why do i say that i because i actually planned to go visit the gym today in the morning as i also haved plans to complete in the afternoon. which leaves me with really no time to visit the gym at all. oh well. sigh.

another 11 hours of sleep in addition to ytd's 6 hours. Murphy my junior told me, in order to catch up with your sleep, you'll need to sleep extra. Which will mean i need to sleep for an extra 24 hours to catch up? i'll die. That's rather impossible for me. That wont do.

plans for today will include going to get my long messy hair cut, and go out to get some stuff. also to have lunch with sean eng. but now, I'm HUNGRY! 1.46 is the time now. man oh man.

2009-07-10T18:23:00.003+08:00

Was is just me? or was it my family. Last night, during Family dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday. And through dinner, the way the speak, i found them rather.. immature? though they were funny though. I dont know whether it was my mind thinking to be matured and not accept that, but the fact is that i do. It's a funny and nice experience looking at them go like this. mum, dad, elder sis. younger one was rather ok, just besides her flaunting a new phone my got, and she used. 5 megapixel. so?

And the most irritating part was she, insulting guys, not knowing how to take photos. one fact, why I'm pissed, is though i aspire to be a photographer for past-times, there's no cameras for me? Aiming to get a DSRL. and for now, my family has 2 digital ones. 1st one, my elder sis claims to be hers though she said she could share too, she'll be hogging it most of the time. 2nd one, won by my dad in some lucky draw after my elder got one, my younger sis took that camera. and been hogging it too. no chance for my parents or me to use at all. so is that fair to insult in the first place? i dont care if my dad got it pink for you girls to use. so what. dont give me it's PINK as an excuse.

Anyway, the past 2 days have been rather unhealthy as I've been sleeping for less than 4 hours before the papers. On wednesday night, I slept at 4 after studying through the night. And last night, after being not able to tolerate the fatigue of the body through studying and staying up, I slept at 2, and woke up at 4 to continue study. That was a bad experience. Anyway, i continued studying till it was 5.30 before i went for more rest before the paper.

Let me share my experience with you. I'm never going to do that again. EVER.

By 1 last night, I've got the feeling that I can't last anymore. I'm real tired from the night before. Sleeping at 2, wanting to rest before I continue studying. The story continues when i woke up at 4, continue studying, and trying to understand a whole new topic which i've not gone through thoroughly. This equates to not knowing anything. So that experience was mad indeed as my mind wasn't very clear, and from one small topic, I SERIOUSLY almost went mad and died. There was this slight feeling which seems like i'm going mad when i thought it. flipping pages back and forth, and scrolling up and down slides trying to understand something, but in the end getting myself even more confused. so i decided to move on and just underline what's on the slides into my book. and hurry go back to sleep.

Sigh. that was my life. Had to wait for Michael to finish 1 game of dota before we can start our prooject work.

Thus, I reached home at 12 plus? or was it 1 plus. after dinner slept and slept. woke up at 3, used com for a few minutes, and went back to sleep. goodness. about 6 hours? haha

2009-07-06T18:47:00.003+08:00

One week of not exercising makes me feel fatter and weaker. Well, fact remains that I did not gain any weight through the week, when i stepped onto the weighing scale.

Went back to gym today, followed by running at the track in school. The whole session seemed to be longer than my usual, though the time spent in gym is the same time I usually spend. However, running was rather bad as I started feeling sharp pains in my abs. I'm guessing it probably had to do with training my abs just before running.

But all these isn't going to stop me from continueing! I'll keep on going!

Watched "Cube 2" on TV 2 days ago. A rather interesting thriller indeed. Everyone dies. even the one who managed to find her way out. It sets me thinking once again on the same topic I once thought about before. "bro's" story of her friend also intrigues this thinking somehow. However, in this context, with the cube 2 in mind.

WHAT IF one day, we disappear into this hypercube thing, and never get out. Will we be able to say, we lived our lives to the fullest? Will we be able to say I've done/accomplished my purpose on this earth? Are we confident that we're going to heaven? I guess, my answer would really be "no". I'm not. Still not living my life to the fullest, and appreciating everything done around me at certain points in time, and not appreciating irritating stuff done by people around me, which actually makes a mark in our lives. Then again, the other type of thinking in my mind, the worldly View. What impact would i have made in other's life? What do i want others to say about me when i go?

We may find things and people around us doing stupid things. But when they actually disappear, fact will remain that they will be missed. Their every action, their very words spoken to us, the memories.

Are we living this life given to us for a right purpose? The purpose we originally have?

Lord, I want to commit everything i have, and all of what I am into your hands once again. I know I've been failing you. Not spending time with you, and growing in this relationship. Lord, Forgive me. Many times we've sinned. And at times, dare not seek forgiveness. At times, I may be like that. Thinking that you've forgiven me over and over again, and i do not deserve this. And failing to know, that Lord, you're always there, and your love will always be with us. You've sent your son to die on the cross to cleanse all our sins. Freeing us from guilt and shame. I Thank You Lord. I commit this life to you, that your will be done through me. Give me the wisdom and understanding to know your word, and Lord, help me use what I have, what talents I have in me to serve you.

2009-06-30T23:39:00.002+08:00

life is real frustrating at time. man.

first, today was about work, work and work. so stressed that i dont feel like doing. and at times, i just leave it aside.

right now, it's the internet. i have e-learning lessons in the morning tml from8 to 11, and my younger sis has e-learning from 8 to 2. and that's one bad thing about no wireless. now she complains saying that i didnt tell her earlier, but on the other hand, she didnt ask me either. no one's fault. :/ with so many assignments. travelling may be a problem. and mikey's not answering me! no friends staying in bishan except him. i mean to place whom i can go to use.. sighs.

2009-06-30T14:44:00.002+08:00

all this e-learning is getting me crazy.

just feel so lost. been bothering quite a number of people, like some dumbass. sheesh.

huecampus. all these mess. oh come on!

seriously, at this point in time, i think all these seriously stinks. no joke.

it's like so stressful with dont know how many assignments undone and stuff. URG! common test is coming, and i've not started. gee. seriously, i have a feeling i wont really do well AT ALL.

last night, my father asked me. "how's your preparation for your common test?" i replied:" okay lor" LIES!

i dont know how i'm coping. i know my time management aint very well. sigh.

june. 30th. half a year gone just like that? or YES! another half a year.

2009-06-30T13:13:00.002+08:00

I'm so freakin sian with this PD assignment which i'm doing. guess one thing is i chose the wrong goal to start off. and NOW, i JUST CANT POST AND PICTURES! dang it.

2009-06-26T14:10:00.002+08:00

Yes.It was announced on the news that NYP need not go to school. BUT, it's not holidays. in order to practise for the worse scenerio, we had to stay home and do e-learning. I've yet to catch up with my studies. Man. now, i'm really getting stressed. :/

2009-06-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

After 1 month. NEARLY 1 month rather. since I've been back here to blog.

Many things have been happening. and I've been enjoying myself and not. But besides that, I Thanks God for everything that happens.

Weeks back. On a Sunday, after church, we had a new M.E. meeting, M.E.E. was the name of the new comm. M.E^2? sounds nice? haha. Thought of this. You see. Einstein came up with E=mc^2, right? Moving all these letters around, i thought of C=me^2 (M.E^2). heh. just some random thoughts. who would buy it anyway. I wonder.

Anyway, as the meeting commences, and the names of the roles were read out, I didnt really find my name in a major role as I expected: to lead a sub-comm? But more to just planning for the youth anniversary. I was rather disheartened at that time, thinking,"I can lead, prepared to be a leader and serve God in what I like doing. Planning? hmm. I want a big role. Shawn has his rather big? and me? rather small :/ Besides, I have the experience in the comm already" haha. in my sight, AT THAT TIME. Also, I'm not used to the new comm? excuses.. But now, looking back, I realise and remembered. To be a great leader, one must be humble. Be proud that they are doing the big stuff, and be proud of what God has given to me right now. With Great power comes great responsibility. Am I ready to take such a big role? Am I also Spiritually ready? that i really doubt so. But despite that, God has really given me a lot of stuff? to plan for Youth Anniversary is a big thing. Besides, I still have lots to learn to become a real leader. A true follower, disciple of God. More to come. I sure don't think I'm really very ready.

Let me continue with church stuff before moving to others. "junE" happened supposedly on 3 days, 7th, 14th, and 21st of june. But we had a final decision to let it go on just one day. It indeed was successful, but on my part, I personally feel I didnt really do it very well. But guys, you know what, you rock. Planning with you guys. Well, we've learnt and grow together. I miss those time when planning occurs. Though honestly, I felt, it was more of me and cons planning. No offence though. But true enough, as the evaluation goes, we work well as a team. A balanced one.

Same goes for PMS camp. Though it wasn't carried out due to a lack of campers. I really enjoy the time spent planning for it. Being with guys to west coast and church. LOL. AND having wanton noodles for dinner! haha. dang. those times.We'll carry out the games one day! the awesome games!

There was one monday. 1st of June if I'm not wrong, PD was the first lesson of the day. Creative thinking was the lesson topic. I found it really interesting as my group, had to use the concept of a pencil, and it's parts to describe a family. and I would like to share this.

The clip: to cling on to sentiments close to our hearts
The eraser: to erase the feuds with our family members.
The grip: grips the family tight together, and also protects one from harm.
outer casing: protects the people in the family
Clicking mechanism: putting in effort to make the family a nice one

Whilst another group was doing the concept of ice-cream, to describe friends. I dont really remember everything, but I sure do recall abit.

You don't know what people are like until you get the chance to try? something like that. In other words, you never know what the ice-cream tastes like unless you try them. Another thing is regarding outer appearance? Judging. like the ice-cream, it may not look nice, but it may taste nice. Last thing I remember is that Friends will last forever. like the ice-cream, once it is gone into your stomach, it will be there forever. i mean forget the part about digesting. haha.

It really speaks.

Talking about food and digesting, I've lost a total of 10kg for the past 3 months? though it's only a loss of 1 kg the past month. Ain't that awesome? haha. However, Javelin isn't very good as yet. Standing throws are okay, the techniques. just need more strength and flexibility. AND, as for steppings before throw, my technique to the throw isn't very good. still have alot to catch up. I'll reach Akid's PB! 60m! Top national records. Broke his own PB and national records too. that's my senior. whom most say look like me. esp gabriel who keeps repeating. for example, when he's with me, and sees Akid, he goes: "hey jeremy, jeremy senior" or just "jeremy senior!" and starts calling me "Akid junior". look like him, but am not. At points in time, am really disappointed with myself. seems like I'm not really training hard enough. My strength doesn't seem to be increasing much. BUT I WILL NOT GIVE UP. :D

Not studying hard enough. not training hard enough? sighs.

Alot has been happening. I mean events the past month. Ethel's 20th birthday suprise, a big one, on the 4th of June. Met up with Titus first. i forgot where i went or what i did before that though. haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ETHEL! Titus' 18th birthday. a smaller suprise though. But that was fun. meeting up with Valerie Lim, Sammy and Rachel to Think and find something for Tits. and went on with the Sammy's idea of getting 4 smaller cakes to TRY and combine into 1. haha. kiddy cakes. Rachel, cars; Sammy, Disney Princesses; Valerie, Winnie the pooh; and me, spiderman! haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! following was Esther's birthday celebration. well, a picnic at marina barrage, together with sis vene and esther only. due to miscom, andrew didnt make it. THAT WAS MY FAULT. malcolm had school. Her birthday was originally on the 10th of june, the day NYP had campus road run. AND we celebrated her belated birthday on 18th june. ~~(have yet to get her her present yet. XP)~~ had a great picnic, and She learnt something NEW! we saw felicia chin there too. no idea what she was doing with some other crew though. not filming or photoshooting. recce-ing? hm.. i wonder.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER. Then was evelyn's 20th birthday too. had a suprise, dinner and hang-out at her place before going home. haha. that was fun too. but while waiting for the day to pass, titus and me were like going on some handphone games marathon. okay. maybe just him on my phone. then me on my phone when rachel LIM wanted to go to the library whilst waiting for the worship team to finish practising. after which, was rachel and titus fighting over playing my phone till batt was low. haha. by that time, the party have started, and we have eaten. of course, no more competition for my games. haha. HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE! AND HAPPY FATHERS' DAY DAD! One more birthday, actually 3. Joseph's on 9th, Jie's(Eugenia) on 12th and joshua's on 25th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

4 Love outing was on Monday, though very little people turned up, it was still fun. playing pool with the guys, dinner, and hang out. ahhaa. wait.i forgot movie. ahha I LOVE YOU MAN. funny, vulgar show. but the theatre has this smell which irks me. or maybe my nose was playing tricks on me. that irky smell makes the movie experience slightly bad for me? haha. to the extend that.. I wont find it very good. haha. but OVERALL outing was good. Thanks Wendy and Darren for planning, keith, jian fa, jireh, andrew, esther, yi zhen, amanda Lim, Si hui for coming. Really enjoyed.

TRANSFORMERS ON TUES! I'M MAD WITH TRANSFORMERS. Megan Fox is one factor, but not the whole factor. I LOVE TRANSFORMERS! DAMN COOL AND AWESOME MAN. CAN TELL YOU I'M A BIG FAN!! THOUGH I STILL CANT DECIDE WHICH CHARACTER I'LL SUPPORT. haha. heard megan fox is a trans. i wonder if that's true. but i hope not though. :/ come on. Not that I'm MADLY puppy loving her. but it's just the show, and her hotness? haha.

Recently, Brian talked about some international school. and I recalled one of my dream was to study at an international school. Le Rosey made me jealous. dang. nice big school. hais. i doubt that dream will fulfill though. I'm already reaching 18 and the oldest there is only 18? as in student. PLUS IT'S FREAKIN EX! oh wells. Dreams will always stay as dreams.

My phone has been real quiet. Since December. i do miss those times when my phone will be beeping, and will be in continuous messaging. Well, besides that event, which i'm not really linking to, it's a fact my phone has been quiet. and pardon me if i'm been messaging the few of you people to talk. haha. my goodies. dont mind if i continue? haha. It's kinda boring. i wish for a messaging buddy. a good, best friend to appear whom i can really talk to? haha. heh.

That's all for now. real long eh? haha

2009-05-30T20:32:00.002+08:00

Man, every family sure do have their family problems. and i too, obviously, realise my own wrong doings, towards my sister? and at times, maybe sucking up to my mom. heh. not letting things sound so bad, it's just getting closer and spending more time
with my mum. :D

sigh. things of the world are becoming more obvious to each and everyone of us as we grow older. growing up to be more matured and to realise more of the things in this world.

ever heard of the news about the world ending in 3 years? according to scientific research of some planet x, orbitting around the sun too, and will crash into earth on 21st Dec 2012? or is it 2011? :/ what can we do? hm. all these news, and also all the problems of people, friends, really pull my heart strings. at times, i really wonder, what can i do to help any of these? or what can i do to really reach out to people? do i have the boldness? hmm..

28th June 2008

Venetia's birthday was yesterday. But due to the busy people in moo gang, we celebrated today! Hope you enjoyed your Birthday! sister. dinner at thomson plaza, then iceskimo. there goes the.. ouch! thousand years of pain done to malcolm. so so sorry bro! really. the wildness in school, and influence.

school was alright for today, just seemed rather sleepy from ytd. slept at 2? :/ didnt really pay attention to the video at the end of aerospace manufacturing technology lesson. fell asleep instead. i know maths lecture i cant control at some point in time, and started to doze off for awhile. Thank God my friends reminded me about the dust coat before break, as after break was materials technology, and it's a must to have the dust coat on. if not, sorry, there's goes your group. you'll need to join the other class next week. so i rushed home right after aerospace manufac. tech. to go get my dust coat, and of course, i made it in time, and also had time for my lunch. phew. went home to rest for awhile before going to meet sissy, then to meet the rest of the moo gang.

honestly think my behaviour still have to change. hm. but no matter what, i'm still jeremy, and will always be Jeremy. so will just need to improve a whole lot. heh. what i feel, that is. ;)

29th May 2009
A rather slack day. Lab work from 8 to 11, just practising grinding. gymed from 11 plus to 2, before going home to SLEEP! back to training, and was seriously very relaxed. Akid has nationals on sunday, which means that he cant train together with us, shawn accidentally pulled a muscle, and me, overstretched a muscle on wed. in addition, i DONT SEE many year 1s. the whole day seemed very relaxing, gloomy in some areas. outside the gym, where the sports hall is, is so dark and quiet. unlikely to happen often. gym seems to be VERY EMPTY. so for training, just joined a few other year 1s randomly. like doing abit of steps, one set of striding, running..

however, one bad thing is that.. my body has overworked. have been feeling nauseous the past 2 weeks. do pray. need more rest.

Anyway, lepak-ed at the track, when to meet my mom to help her buy tea. came home, used come awhile, had dinner and watched tv, as there's no cell. then did my work. i felt so hardworking last night, working till 1? doing homework. i just felt like doing. very interesting. however, i need more rest. lol!

30th May 2009
from yesterday, i needed more rest. that's what i told myself. and found myself tossing and turning to get myself to fall asleep this morning. Forcing myself to sleep. so cnt sleep peacefully. :/

till about 10.30, i woke up, had breakfast, tv, then to church for meetings till evening. busy me.

2009-05-27T23:12:00.003+08:00

i honestly and seriously dont like this freakin warm weather. using the com, and perspiring at the same time. dont feel good. seriously, doesnt!

what am i doing online now when i'm tired, and.. i want sleep?

here's the story:
i came online wanting to work on the group report on rockwell hardness testing, which was supposed to be sent to me by Satish(one whom the class really hates for being lazy, and always late for school). i came online to find nothing. so looked for mike, who's still in school at frisbee. he was supposed to send satish that file, and also to me, but he didnt. and satish claimed he didnt receive at all! so now, i have to wait for michaelangelo to reach home from frisbee in school, before i cant start on touching up the report. we're not totally done with the report, and what's left is for satish to do the conclusion, after not coming school for 3 days, and not doing anything re this report. i'll have to touch up and check. :/

what a beautiful story right? come on. agree with me.

school was short today? kinda screwed abit of my maths test. the first of the four questions, i did it wrongly, and had to redo, thus leaving me with no time to complete the last question. oh man.. Engineering drawing and Maths was all i had for today. went on with SEM Proj meeting. and home sweet home to sleep a little while before training. and at the start of training, i wasnt feeling well. while stretching, i felt real nauseous. man oh man. tried to go on with training. today's training was very slack though. well, kinda. not say very. ahahahahah. :/ think i pulled my muscle abit. the muscle at your armpit, or rather, mine. due to the throwing. :( need to ice it later according to Akid.

2009-05-21T21:03:00.002+08:00

had ajisen ramen for dinner! am still very full now. and sadly, i'm not able to join my dad and sisters for movie. :/ have a cyber meeting to attend to. oh wells.

have been very tired, and not started deep into studies. man oh man. am i screwed. NOT YET! all's not over till it's over! ;)

have been very tired. feeling headache and giddy-ness the past few days. training sure is tough, but thanks esther for reminding me certain stuffs. it really spoke though, and pardon me for not sharing. am lazy to type out everything. LOL

and i had to go home alone (LONER!), and carry stuff which my dad wants to buy from NTUC. but somehow, i feel relaxed walking around NTUC.

find me weird, but i feel relaxed and it's enjoyable doing certain stuff people might not think may be. but sometimes i just wont do it cos of pure laziness though. haha. ;)

2009-05-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

i really go have alot of things up my hand. but before i mention anything about that, there's one decision, which i dont know what i should do. or maybe, will even forget about making that decision. that will be, rugby.

as i went to school on friday for training, whilst talking to shawn, this guy who was from acs(barker), started talking to us. he's alone anyway, so we started talking. so there's a point, where he started talking about rugby. like his classmate/friend said that some of the seniors want to come up with a rugby group. so, i'm thinking, should i?

i certainly do have alot of things up my hands now. besides catching up with the past 4 weeks of studies, being in charge of 2 church events coming up this june, is quite taxing, and not forgetting, there's also my trainings.

PlayMAX is also in june, on the 12th and 13th. one of the involvments i'm in, is dued 7th, 14th, and 21st june. the second one is the PMS camp from 15th to 17th, which i'm looking forward to.

today, ashley asked me to take charge of another event in sep, which i dont think i'll start so soon, she'll still talk to me about it. i feel it's a good opportunity for me to learn and grow. and besides, this is after the june eventS. maybe, i'll help out with youth camp at the end of the year too.

how cool, this year will be a fruitful year, just pray that i wont stress out with all this busy-ness.

Lord, give me the strength to carry all these through, of course not with my strength, but yours. help me to rest well through all these events, and give me a peace of heart, and that i will continue being joyful in doing and planning these events to serve you. Help me lord, to also manage my time well, and to cope well with studies, that all these are not for my will, but for your will.
Amen